I was having a writer's block on a story I was currently writing so I started doodling this piece of pathetic poetry on my notepad. Comments much appreciated.
Carrying the burdens of numerous life,
Nurturing trees to lush greens,
Separated between soil and sky,
That is Nature.
The Sun in radiance glory,
Earth illuminated by its light,
Helped by the moon at night,
That is Nature.
The brightness of the day,
The darkness of the night,
Each balancing the other,
That is Nature.
Be gentle to Mother Nature,
For she has given much,
Nothing requested in return,
Except to admire and conserve.
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Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
Hey there Ifomoe.
I see that your piece of poetry never got a second review. Because it is the revmo season, I decided to drop by and give you one.
This poem uses a basic format, but I think the usage of those elements is understandable in this case. You use a standard set of 4 lines in your stanzas, the lines are always capitalized in the beginning, and the emphasis on important words is created with caps. I would usually be complaining about using these elements. When they are used here, I can slowly see them shaping and blending in with the details of the poem and the narrative that you're trying to tell.
This poem being centered on nature is very interesting to me. The repetition of the line of "that is nature" is feeling a bit off to me. I think I can see it working if it had extended into the last stanza. If the last stanza ends with "that is nature" and then had "except to admire and conserve" as a separate line, this would create a more interesting structure for the poem. I think with the emphasis that you're trying to create with the final line would have a greater impact with that separate structure.
The message about the way the reader should treat Mother Nature is nothing new. It's the same story that we've heard before throughout all of the school years, but I do truly like your presentation style for this. Giving nature this personification is another part of popular nature based poetry and I like the way you're playing around with it. The only real thing I would recommend you messing about with as you move forward is creating a structure to match the emphasis you're trying to display.
I think that's about all.
Happy revmo.
- Jack
Ah, thanks that helped. I'm no expect at rhyming words so forgive me. Hmm well, the separated between soil and sky part made sense the first time I wrote it but I guess your right. I'll try a new line over there. (If I'll get around to re-making it that is. Which probably will be never but we'll see)
radiance in the second stanza...I didn't realize it was an adjective. I don't even know what that is. (I apologize, I never pay much attention when being taught grammar)
Thanks again for the comments. ^^
I normally do not like repetition in a poem, although here I don't mind. The repetition of "That is Nature"is like a refrain. That works alright. Some suggestions. For clarification, Nature is carrying the burden. Nature is nurturing trees. Is Nature separated between soil and sky? Second stanza, "radiance" is a noun. You are using it as an adjective. This is also the only stanza that has any rhyme. I like the environmentalist message of the last stanza.