Father, Why?

Hi!

I'll just start off saying I'm not a big fan of poetry. But, I like the message to this poem. I love the way that it is Christian-themed. I was a little confused when I read the end. But, then I started to realize it was God who was the "Father". My advice is that you be a little bit more detailed. Also, make it a little bit longer. Sorry, this review isn't very long, but I hope it helped you in any way. If it did, then awesome! I hope you have a great day! Keep writing!

It's a poem.

I respect the attempt at writing from a creative point of view and trying to analyze thoughts of God and how he reacts to his people.

It did somewhat effectively get me thinking about the ideas you were trying to convey, but to be honest, I've read this poem a thousand times. It was simply lacking in originality, and I saw every line coming because it's all been done before. Admittedly I liked this poem a lot better before I read the last line I know, Jesus. You always are.... The poem was already very straightforward, this line felt like you were smacking me in the face with whatever idea you wanted to portray; additionally, this line made the poem a whole lot less interpretive and closed doors on what could have became some sort of comparison between God and physiological father.

My number one suggestion here is just to increase originality. Try to do something you haven't read before- instead of writing what you want to hear, write what you actually feel, and don't feel you have to spell everything out before people will understand it.

Best of luck and keep writing,
hadj.

Ah I like it.

It was a good concept, Jesus talking to his Dad. It really confused me at the start because I thought that it was a boy talking to his Dad, then at the end I thought it was a guy talking to Jesus and for some reason Jesus was calling him father? It took me a minute to comprehend what I was reading. This made for a nice surprise, but is it really what you want? Some people might not care to take a minute to understand it. It's just the wording really, if you don't want that confusion I'd consider rewording.

I like how you kept it vague and then, as we realized it was us, we felt that underlying shame hitting us. It was nice. I also like the idea - as I said. Humans not worthy enough of their God... It's cool. I wrote a piece on it too actually My favourite line was "Because I love them". I just think it was the most clever part of the dialogue. I think that maybe you should try to be more witty, aside from this part I mean. Like, you have the honesty, and the shortness but the sweetness is still kinda lacking. Either bring in some imagery, or some wit, but add something. Honesty is powerful but you need to introduce it on something else's shoulders (the aforementioned imagery or wit, or even humour - I'd go dark humour for this piece). You get what I mean.

Nice piece, just could do with a touch-up. Also, change "Why are angry?" to "Why are you angry?"

Yours in ink,
TS.