Published May 9, 2012
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141,733 Literary Works • 675,641 Reviews
Nice poetry, it needs work but it is otherwise good. I noticed that you forgot quite a few commas but then you also put some in there which was confusing.
For,
Everything bolded needs to be added.
Spoiler
Two seconds,
Our lips connect hesitantly,
As reason and desire shake hands,
Where my chest touches your breasts,
But makes no demands.
For,
Two minutes,
We embrace with a force that,
Only nucleons can know,
Always telling each other,
“I never want to let go.”
For,
Two hours,
We lay on a bed of cushions and flesh,
Dreaming of a prince and a princess,
With an orphanage as their castle,
And a ship with no compass.
For,
Two days,
I stared up at your tower window,
The lament of a nightingale,
Etched on my lips, as I tried,
To stay away, but failed.
NHNT