A History of Passion

by IceCreamMan
  • May 9, 2012
  • Poetry
  • Romantic · Narrative
For
Two seconds
Our lips connect hesitantly,
As reason and desire shake hands
Where my chest touches your breasts
But makes no demands.
 
For
Two minutes
We embrace with a force that
Only nucleons can know,
Always telling each other
“I never want to let go.”
 
For
Two hours
We lay on a bed of cushions and flesh,
Dreaming of a prince and a princess
With an orphanage as their castle
And a ship with no compass.
 
For
Two days
I stared up at your tower window,
The lament of a nightingale
Etched on my lips, as I tried
To stay away, but failed.
Comments & reviews · 1
Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

User avatar
NeitherHereNorThere
Review
NeitherHereNorThere wrote a review · Tue May 29, 2012 12:00 am

Nice poetry, it needs work but it is otherwise good. I noticed that you forgot quite a few commas but then you also put some in there which was confusing.

Everything bolded needs to be added.

Spoiler
For,
Two seconds,
Our lips connect hesitantly,
As reason and desire shake hands,
Where my chest touches your breasts,
But makes no demands.

For,
Two minutes,
We embrace with a force that,
Only nucleons can know,
Always telling each other,
“I never want to let go.”

For,
Two hours,
We lay on a bed of cushions and flesh,
Dreaming of a prince and a princess,
With an orphanage as their castle,
And a ship with no compass.

For,
Two days,
I stared up at your tower window,
The lament of a nightingale,
Etched on my lips, as I tried,
To stay away, but failed.


NHNT



You sound like you're becoming emotionally involved with the custard.
— Nikki Morgan