Yet again I know this is awful, but please tell me what is wrong, correct me, guide me I need help! 
What am I to you?
I am your passion,
I am your life,
And I am all that equals your strife,
The blazing desire,
The fear of your bite,
You are the one,
And so am I,
The very essence of the tears you cry,
The woman I claim to be rightfully mine.
What are you to me?
You the life in my veins,
You are the gothic lies,
And the inner disgrace,
The heart beat that’s fast,
The kiss of good pace,
You are the,
The one I love,
The man I cherish and my black and silver dove.
What are we?
We are life,
We are death,
We are health,
And we are breath,
We are the moon and the stars and the roses,
We are the people who the world closes,
We are Adam and we are Eve,
We are donaters,
And we are the thieves,
But over all we are lovers,
And I am the fathers and you are the mothers.
Corrections based on comments made bellow, thank you for the help
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Canary word: Present
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125,017 Literary Works • 672,850 Reviews
This is the Lexy poem right? I can tell. Trash the weird rhymes....they just don't work, sorry. How about using other resources (internet, library, YWS) to find original styles of writing for you to have a go at? It just make your 'you and Lexy' idea a little more interesting
Sorry!
Forgotten xxx
PS:
Yeah, its a 'ahhh, scary Lexy!' poem.
Hi there.
Well, though you edited it. It still completely lacks originality, the 'I am your life, your love.' thing is too overused and has been overused since the troubadours appeared in the Shakespearen Era.
The repetition also gets old fast. 'I am' 'What are you' 'We are' it all mingles together into a bunch of cliche repetitive words.
Also,
This rhyme should be trashed. The 'eath' rhyme is immature and not thought through. It adds a childish touch to your poem that isn't in a good way. (Since your poem is obviously not about children in love.)
I doubt that editing will do much, I say apply these reviews to the next poem you write.
Keep trying,
Kamas
Hi!
So, well done on the rhyme scheme. It actually works, which is nice. You don't notice it, in a way, which is wonderful because that shows it isn't forced. The flow is also great, so double thumbs up on that front.
It's not extremely original, to be fair. It's melodramatic and kind of generic at points, but all love poems tend to have that going for them. It isn't a cliche, though, which is again nice. It just doesn't really offer much new to the table, if you get what I mean.
But I want to commend you on your rhythm and rhyme! It was great.
~Amy
So, I don't think this is horrible, but on the other hand it's not exactly the most original piece on earth.
From this line I'm assuming this is about a vampire? Not exactly my cut of tea, but other then that, I think it's pretty good. Your rhyming scheme I love, and I'm jealous of that xD. Thanks for posting, and I hope to see more.I didn't think this was awful; get rid of everything above 'You are the blood that caresses me' and it would be good. I really like the bottom part; it seems to increase in pace, like someone who's talking and walking. It's only your first few lines that let you down, and otherwise I like it. Sure it's a topic that's been done a million times before, but 999999900 times out of those it's been done much worse. I like 'I am the Fathers and you are the Mothers' best of all I think xx
I am a bit dissatisfied with this piece. It seems to be just like every other melodramatic love poem that I have ever read in my life. I like the progression of "me" to "you" and finally to "we", but the majority of the poem is vague and not very impressing. Try to say something that's never (or at least rarely) been said. What I got out of the poem was the sorry tale of a girl who loves, or at least lusts after, a man often misuses her. But somehow, together, as a pair, they equal perfection. This doesn't quite add up to me. I think you need to go deeper. Your wording was repetitive, unoriginal, and boring at times. Try to avoid cliches such as "black and blue" and "we are the fishes and we are the sea". I'm not quite sure why "Fathers" was capitalized in the last stanza.
You said a lot of the same things over and over again. I would suggest making the poem shorter and more to the point.
I think all people share similar circumstances and emotions. Your job as a writer is to take those things which we all have in common and state them in a manner that is yours alone. If you keep this in mind, your writing will become more original. It will be yours, and therefore more interesting.
I hope this helps. Good luck!