Hi I just wrote this poem a few minutes ago and it just expresses some of the feelings that I felt today in a moment of anger, so I might need your help to make some improvements ![]()
People always thinking,
they know everything,
promising me something,
and then just lying.
Why do I trust you?
Why do I believe you?
You don't see me crying,
but my heart is suffocating;
teardrops are filling it,
and my eyes are not faking it.
I am the one who's believing ...
Believing that you could change,
oh that would be strange,
but for once telling me the truth,
like you only couldn't do.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Hey there! I really like this poem, it actually summed up the past week for me in many ways... So I just had to write a quick review on it! >.<
I think that this is my favourite line. I really like how you ended each line with 'ing'. It really added drama and tension to the opening line. However, I feel that
rushes it slightly. That's just me being nit-pickish though.
I like this as well, it made me want to read more.
The first two lines of this are fab, but the last are a little bit awkward to read, especially the last one. Using two lines ending in 'it' makes the poem sound a little... rushed. Again, me being nit-pickish.
I will have to be honest with you, I don't like this line. I think that it could be made better if you changed the 'that is' to 'who's'.
I love this line. I think that it is truly fantastic, the only thing that slightly dissapointed me was the unneeded exclamation mark at the end.
Apart from all my nit-picks, this poem is beautiful. The way it flows and fits with the vocabulary that you used, is just brilliant.
Keep up the great work,
~Crimson
I liked this but I felt it wasn't finished. You could add more to this piece and it would be awesome, not that it isn't already

Keep Improving
XO Change