i should tell u about everything/ all the people and the funny dreams/ i should tell u about how i lost you and me/i should tell you till i can't be fair/ all around and the many squares/ we are one, live just one by one/ dream one thing and sing when you are done//
Chorus: don't believe the fools who don't care/fear is just a game inside your mind/ don't sign that contract it leads to tears/ doubt is just a shovel/ that digs your grave/ at night, when your dreams have died/fear and time bury you goodbye
i loved you dream/crafted you inside my pretty bubble/ come on out, where's the strength to do it now/ i can't give up cause it's not in my blood/ i wantta move closer still/dry my eyes and the hope that should rise/ bubbles within...
CHORUS
sing a joyous song out loud/don't care what they think about you/cause it's just you, your dreams, your life/make it all worthwhile/cause those doubts, they are just road blocks to your..../destiny
CHORUS
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,828 Reviews
Thank you guys so much, I will be sure to check that next time; I was typing it so quickly when I thought of it, in second-hand and forgot to change it. Thanks again!
Hey there. I really enjoyed this. I like how the first verse was normal and the chorus was dark. It makes a good contrast. Just like Black Night Werecat said, I think that you could maybe change the way you write it up, but other than that, I enjoyed it. Probably the other only thing I must nit-pick about this is that well ... you put "u" instead of "you". Just sayin', :] Please keep writing.
This is good! =3
One of the problems I had with it is the format - normally people write poems and songs like this:
Also, you should really watch your grammar (capitalization, punctuation, ect.) while writing this kind of thing - since it's so short, that gives you all the more reason to make it as great as possible.
I'm not trying to be nit-picky with that last comment, I'm really just trying to point it out before anyone can come by and rudely start lecturing you about how horrible it is to have bad grammar - the reason I'm nice is because I don't have very good grammar, either - and I'm often lectured about that on here. I don't really mind it, but since they normally are somewhat blunt about what they say (which is just the way I like it), I know some people would find that offensive.
I hope this helps - it was a really good song, you should write more of them! x3