Can't Explain

Hey Im Leyah,

Ok, now that you've got your grammar down ((haha)) lets look at the rhythm, the flow, the intrigue. Ce-mi place. What i like

The rhyming is sketchy. sumar

"wake up and I feel the sunrise in my chest
you peak at me and I'm on tiptoes, over the fence
the days will break and weeks go by and i feel the same
and i can't write and i talk can't fast enough to explain"

and then the rest of your song rhymes here and there, like a few times in the chorus that i dont feel i ABSOLUTLY NEED to point out ((im not that ocd)) but the thing with a good song is that it has to be constant, and not nessasarily with the rhyming like she sat, on a hat, poor pat, kersplat
But it does need to flow to make it a decent song. But once again it doesnt ALL have to rhyme, it just has to have like a pattern, something constant.

It does look like a hit piece, and it was very good uimitor amazing
Thank you. Mulţumesc

Thank you so much for another great review! It's amazing how many grammar things you can miss, so thank you for pointing them out to me. Wish there was a way for you to hear the beat! Thanks again!

Ohh, yay, it's a song, it's a song! *girlish shrieks*

I'm sorry, I'm just a really big fan of music... =.='

Anyway, I'll review this one for you too... that last one was awesome, though...

The stuff in bold & italics are my own additions...

IamArt wrote:VERSE 1
I wake up and I feel the sunrise in my chest
you peak at me and I'm on tiptoes, over the fence
the days will break and weeks go by and i feel the same
and i can't write and i talk can't fast enough to explain I think you mean "can't talk"... XD
it's like you pick me up off a cloud and i just go higher
looking down
the real world don't apply to me


Bridge: don't be confused we're just in love
and that word ain't enough to explain, this place No comma needed


Chorus: oh the world has to figure it out, has to figure it out
you and me the same ain't a game, my world is a cloud
you can ask me to scribe, and i don't take any bribes,
it's an impossible thang
so meet me in my heart love
and everyone can see it, but we cannot say it,
so the world has to figure it out, has to figure it outHmm... not sure what I think of this. The wording could be a bit better, but otherwise I think it's pretty good.


VERSE 2
he say he love me and he call me every night Do you mean "says" "loves" and "calls" ?
no one means more in the world at all to me
please don't take it the wrong way, they whisper
(BACKGROUND: what does she mean, what is she talking about)
yeah, yeah (how can you be, falling in love and can't describe it)
(are you, falling down, knocking down, drowning in a sea of red hearts)Is this in the background again?
no. my babe and me we are so free, our love is
intense, no sense, present tense past and future
you ask me, how does it feel, what is it like? I just noticed that a lot of this doesn't really rhyme... and also I totally can't figure out the beat. :p I guess I'm just a bit dense when it comes to this kind of thing. XD

Chorus

don't be confused we're just in love
and that world ain't enough to explain, this place Again, no comma needed
and i can't write and i can't talk fast enough to explain
the world has to figure it out, has to figure it out {3 times}
the world, the world, the world (the world the world the world) {2 times}
figure it out, it out, it out {it out it out it out} You put {} instead of () XD
can't explain, explain, explain {explain explain explain}
the world has to figure it out {it out it out it out}