Warning: This work has been rated 18+.
At night i bleed for you every night
I miss you so much. But you are the
reason why i started cutting, because when
I look down at the scars... It reminds me of all the deep
thoughts i had about all the times you hurt me.
But one day i couldn't handle the pain anymore....
so i just gave up and ended it all. I'm truly
sorry it ended up this way. I was just afraid to say
anything about how I was feeling.
I'm Sorry.
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139,656 Literary Works • 672,645 Reviews
Hey it's Nelly here Aka. Neko
I like this, except from the punchuation order makes me dizzy.
I've read some of your other work this relates to the topic you write about.
Like a diary/Poem type.
I'm not sure why you rated this +18? because it's not that bad,
it's a poem.
does this relate to you?
Because some of your work is very depressing.
I see in this piece a lost little girl in love with someone who upsets her.
(or a bully)
-See you around Nelly.. Aka Neko-
Timmyjake here to give you a review!
Ok, this poem is really sad, just like your others. You have a way of bringing your reader in to your pain. I truly hope that you didn't experience anything you have written!
Now I will just hit the spot(s) that I think don't flow like the rest.
The first line, "At night i bleed for you every night" I think should be shortened to either, "At night i bleed for you", or "i bleed for you every night." Just cutting out the repetitious words.
On the petty side of things, your I's seem to be halfway capitalized and uncapitalized. I've been told before that poetry is more freestyle, but I had to mention it.
Great short poem. Very sad. Keep writing!
i was actually thinking about changing it but i'm like it's one of my first poems i ever wrote so it may not be perfect but hey oh well i'm not perfect so i don't think my work has to be perfect i like to go outside of the box and be a bit different.
with my I's being capitalized and uncapitalized it's cause i'm not used to my lab top not changing some of my spelling mistakes.
sadly i did experience the things i wrote...
Wow. Your poems are so sad...I hope that you haven't undergone this yourself.
sadly i have but made me the person i am today
You've really found a way of expressing yourself through writing.
i realize that the things i was doing wasn't the healthy way to express my feelings so i started writing and it came to help me a lot more.
Actually, same here
Ok, this had a bit more meaning than "Tears" which i read and commented on a few minutes ago. Anyway, it's a nice piece but there are a few mistakes which i'd like to bring to your attention.
In the first line you wrote, "At night i bleed for you every night"...you should actually try not to repeat what you've already told us. You first begun with "At night"...and you ended with "every night"...it has meaning, but isn't suitable in poems. Try to put yourself more in your poems...k?