A love poem, or something(else)

by Hypocrit

Published May 2, 2009

A large mess.
An apple skinned and left to sink,
rotting into the table, some transmutation
of wood to worm, fruitless.

The core is gone
with some formeldahyde and
a microscope slide, still life.
Cast in clay or iron fixings. They bronzed
some moment of light corrosion
on the thing’s now discarded skin.
They draped it like a porcelain fuse
on a molotov barbie's bedside aid.

We walked outside the next morning,
after breaking open the scabbed shades
to reveal our Midas mottled leftovers,
and the streets were all soaked in lime.
It stung, and stunk. Sweet

Jesus
the world is red. Conducting our speech
like symphony we clattered over steps
till we found the tree that had gifted us our
bronze embalmed effigy.
Then, chewing on the applevine we lost
ourselves in Dionysian fever. Our muscle
tissue fell like paint cluttered canvas
to the floor, and we sunk, with the apple
into the wood casting we’d ate over
just the night before.

Comments & reviews · 3
User avatar
zalarus
Review
zalarus wrote a review Review · May 3, 2009

hmm. i like. i certainly do like.

it's really a surreal photo album of a poem. it painted a very clear picture of decadence in my mind. it quickly and effectively goes from the normal to the strange. very Rimbaudian, with some definite Poe in there as well. the whole work stinks of rot, which is admirable. two thumbs up, says Roger Ebert.

User avatar
cmarie159
Review
cmarie159 wrote a review Review · May 2, 2009

I think that you have something here,
but you might want to work on the overall
structure of the poem.

It was enough to keep my attention from wandering,
but the structure of it
was enough to distract me from the
overall effect of the poem.

I love the fact it's so original,
and lacks cliches.

I think if you edit the structure,
maybe edit some punctuation,
you'll be well on your way
to a masterpiece!



It’s not unorthodox, I thought it was beautiful.
— Jimi Hendrix