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Young Writers Society



A love poem, or something(else)

by Hypocrit


A large mess.
An apple skinned and left to sink,
rotting into the table, some transmutation
of wood to worm, fruitless.

The core is gone
with some formeldahyde and
a microscope slide, still life.
Cast in clay or iron fixings. They bronzed
some moment of light corrosion
on the thing’s now discarded skin.
They draped it like a porcelain fuse
on a molotov barbie's bedside aid.

We walked outside the next morning,
after breaking open the scabbed shades
to reveal our Midas mottled leftovers,
and the streets were all soaked in lime.
It stung, and stunk. Sweet

Jesus
the world is red. Conducting our speech
like symphony we clattered over steps
till we found the tree that had gifted us our
bronze embalmed effigy.
Then, chewing on the applevine we lost
ourselves in Dionysian fever. Our muscle
tissue fell like paint cluttered canvas
to the floor, and we sunk, with the apple
into the wood casting we’d ate over
just the night before.


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User avatar
34 Reviews


Points: 890
Reviews: 34

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Sun May 03, 2009 7:49 pm
zalarus wrote a review...



hmm. i like. i certainly do like.

it's really a surreal photo album of a poem. it painted a very clear picture of decadence in my mind. it quickly and effectively goes from the normal to the strange. very Rimbaudian, with some definite Poe in there as well. the whole work stinks of rot, which is admirable. two thumbs up, says Roger Ebert.




User avatar
20 Reviews


Points: 890
Reviews: 20

Donate
Sat May 02, 2009 7:44 pm
cmarie159 wrote a review...



I think that you have something here,
but you might want to work on the overall
structure of the poem.

It was enough to keep my attention from wandering,
but the structure of it
was enough to distract me from the
overall effect of the poem.

I love the fact it's so original,
and lacks cliches.

I think if you edit the structure,
maybe edit some punctuation,
you'll be well on your way
to a masterpiece!





Sometimes I'm terrified of my heart; of its constant hunger for whatever it is it wants. The way it stops and starts.
— Poe