Published September 9, 2010
I don't want you. I don't need you.
You're just remains from a forgotten event.
You're useless now.
You're in several pieces, you're harshly suffering,
you've lost most of your limbs,
and you're forced to watch your remainders freeze,
knowing they're destined to disappear.
And sometimes,
after the gruesome torture,
it's all in vain.
I dispose of you in an instant.
You never reach your dream or purpose
before you fade away.
I want to apologize, wish you luck,
but I'm too stubborn to change.
I won't do anything more.
I'm bound to continue the process
and leave you cold, alone, in your misery
like the piece of meat you are.
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139,524 Literary Works • 672,598 Reviews
I liked how you used the context in this. It was interesting to read. I just have one question, though. Who are 'we'? Other than that it was completely understandable. It was an awesome poem. Hope to read more of your work.
I really like the concept of this poem. How many poems do we have about fancy feasts and desserts and the like, while the leftovers are ignored?
It does kind of start out like an emo poem, but I really like the twist. It's completely unexpected. There's just one thing that I want to nitpick a little bit . . .
I like what you're saying here, but something like "You never reach your dream or purpose" reads a little easier than "You don't ever reach your dream or purpose." The extra words make it a little awkward. But that's just a suggestion. Other than that, it's a clever poem. Nice work!
Keep writing!
~Lauryn
Haha! Oh I'm so glad you wrote this! Poor forgotten leftovers! I've never thought of how they feel when I leave them unattended in my refrigerator only to remember them as the time comes around to take out the trash...it's a sad life.
I like how you styled this. In the beginning, I thought "Oh boy, not another ranting 'woe is me' poem," but then I finished it and I was so happy. It's an anthem to the most unappreciated of all foods. The Leftovers (as no doubt I should have guessed from the title, but hey, it's been a long day.)
My only nitpick is grammatical, and probably just a typing error. I know how those go.
Either the comma or the period needs to go. I don't know which one fits your poetic vision the most, but from a reader's perspective, I'd keep the period.
That's all!
Happy Writing!
Bailey