Published August 11, 2010
Young ghosts,
playing and laughing
never turning around.
Running,
jumping and swinging
their feet light on the ground.
They speak
as loud as they can
but the noise goes nowhere.
Don't you
listen for them;
they're too busy to care.
They wish
and want and dream
that their joy will not end.
They ask
unknown forces
to send them more friends.
We wish
our kids don't join them,
but it's still good to know
if this
tragedy strikes them
there's a happy place that they go.
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Canary word: Present
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139,524 Literary Works • 672,598 Reviews
OK, so I'm not so good at reviewing, but I'm working on it!
I loved this, it's sweet, in a way I like. It flows, and that's good.
I didn't see a mistake in it at all, or at least one that I'd say to change.
If you need anything else reviewed, shoot me a PM and I'll take a look
at it! Until next time!
~xX~Forsakinshadow~Xx~
At first I didn't quite understand what this poem was about as I read through it, but in the last stanza, it all came together, and made complete sense, and I quite enjoyed the poem. The flow was a bit weird, since you'd start a stanza with one or two words, and then the next line would be a few more, and then the third a bit more than that, but I suppose if it's the way you intended it to be read, I can't tell you not to write it like that. I really like how I kind of felt involved in the poem, like I should care about these ghosts, even though in the end it was revealed that they're in a happy place. If anything, a bit of a suggestion would be to try to bring more of an emotionally involving element into it, but if that's not the kind of work you're going for, by all means disregard that.
Hey there Howler. I'll be your reviewer today! First off, I enjoyed this piece and the flow went well to me. I found one thing.
You just have that little grammar/spelling error.
Keep writing!
~Ladypurple.