z

Young Writers Society


12+

Gift

by HotSnowman


This story takes place during a time when all the lands were divided, all the people were in turmoil, and all the gods were here. Groups of worshipers, comprised of actual nations, governments and armies lived along side the people of the land. These factions were comprised of "gifts", people who had been touched by the gods. Zeus gifts would be granted the ability to wield lightning. Hermes gifts were granted the ability to move at super speeds, and so forth. This tale in particular encompasses a boy who was gifted by a god known for his infamous...well you'll see.

Chapter 1

It was evening time in the country, the soft warm breeze brushes the lush green grass as the sky glistened. In a small village, at the corner of the country, a child's laugh could be heard, refreshing and adorable it was. A little bald girl, short for 7, light brown eyes and rags for clothing was running around, grabbing the prettiest flower that caught her eye. This girl was Anna, she just recently got out of bed after days of excruciating pain emanating from under her left rib. Though she had just recently gotten over a traumatic experience she didn't want to spend her time thinking about it. A few feet away from her stood Kai. Only a month younger than Anna, he stood back and grinned, he was witnessing something beautiful, something he had not seen in a while...Anna smile again. Kai was short too, but taller than Anna, he had gray eyes, black curly hair and had only one responsibility in the whole world right now, watching and protecting Anna's glee. Anna ran up to him, noticeably fatigued by the numbed of flowers she was trying to fit into her left hand and she used her right to pluck the brightest, green and pink piece of earth she could see, and put it in his hair. As she admired her work and was grinning at it, her eyes quickly averted, and her smile automatically dropped as she observed 3 threatening looking kids walk down the same gravel path to this field. Kai quickly put his hand on her shoulder and gave it a minuscule nudge.

"Anna..hey whats up? No look I like the flo-"

Kia identified the problem when he noticed the growing sound of the crackle of the rocks on the path behind him. Kai turned around quickly and stepped 2 steps in front of Anna, he slowly turned his head and whispered to Anna.

"It going to be okay.."

He said as she continued to look down at her feet in fear. The boys at the right and left each had an uniquely unsettling smirk on their faces, while the one in the middle looked oblivious, and Kai was staring down all 3 of them. The boys were close to Anna and Kai's age except for one, he looked like he had to be at least 9..maybe 10. The 3 boys with their chins high stood there, just joking to themselves for a little. The one to the left finally blurted out something.  

"Heh, hey who's the freak you hidin' back there lil' man!"

Kai still standing there, still holding he stare, cringed. The boy in the middle finally animated, and started to take a few steps forward. and proceeded to ask.

"Man what's up with her head?"

Anna really felt that statement, she accidentally let out a silent sigh, but caught herself before anyone else heard it, well anyone else but Kai, and he did hear it. Kai clenched his fist and quickly stepped forward as well. The big kid, Joshua, 5'8 at 10 years old, dark brown eyes and actual proper clothing. Despite his obvious size advantage, Joshua stopped in his tracks once he saw Kai on the move. He caught himself quickly though and continued to step forward as well. Once they finally converged Kai was stuck looking up, Joshua was stuck looking down. Despite the obvious fear factor, once again Kai's stare was not waning. Joshua, standing just a couple feet over Kai looked down at the ground before he made his way back to Kai and proceeded to say. 

"So whats the deal with you and her man?"

Kai looked confused before he replied saying. 

"We're...she's just my friend. And are you here to bother her?!"

"No..hehe no, listen I'm sorry for this, those guys were just showing me around town. I'm new here, I just..sorry if..Anyways me name is Joshua"

He proceeded to hold out his hand...but then dropped it after a couple seconds. While he was talking he was clearly getting choked up, Kai was considering maybe he was telling the truth, he did look confused when he arrived. Joshua then, breaking the silence said.

"Well alright I guess I'll be-"

Just then Kai's attention immediately averted his attention to the gravel path once again to the running guy who was growing louder and louder by the second, in fact, this now caught everybody on the fields attention. 

"YO FELLAS!"

The two boys who were on the right and the left stepped back a little but they couldn't avoid the commit and they knew it. They turned back and ran but in a matter of seconds they were both flying..then landing..oh no now their crashing..face first..into the ground. You'd think hitting down 2 people would slow someone down but he just seemed to be getting faster. Just then Kai yelled.

"WAIT!"

The speeding man stopped and said/

"Oh right you got this one."

The man who said this..was Cassias, Kai's older brother, a 15 year, 5'8 medium built, gray eyed, straight and black haired fool, this tales main character, and he stood there scratching his head with a more than gleeful look on his face, almost as if nothing had, or is happening. Kai immediately replied saying.

"Wha...NO! They weren't..or at least I mean he isn't bad!"

"Ohhhh..hehe tha's my bad."

He followed up with another smile. Joshua slowly stepped back a little and then ran for the two broken faced kids. Cassias then looked down at Kai and said.

"Heh, yo ughh mom said she needs us at the house."

"Wh...Cas what the hell!"

"Hey, calm down I was just trying to help, and you're scaring her, you alright Anna"

Anna finally looked up.

"Y-yes, thank you Cassias."

Cas smiled at her and said.

"No problem, let me take you home to your mom huh."

She looked relived, but her sad look returned when she looked down to see all her flowers dropped.

"Oh hey lemme help you with that, Kai help me"

"Yea yea I know"

It only took about 30 seconds to gather all the flowers with the 3 of them there, Cas held 18, Kai held 15 and Anna held 7. Not 5 seconds later Cas hoisted Anna on his back, as she played with the flowers atop his head, and he nodded at Kai, as they walked Kai ran ahead to Joshua still on the ground near the two seemingly dead kids and said.

"Heh, sorry man, thats my brother"

Joshua slightly laughed, exhaling and replied.

"Heh, no I'm sorry..that thats your brother"

The two laughed for second before Kai held up his hand. Joshua smirked and proceeded to shake back for a second, Kai stood up and said.

"Alright, cya' Joshua."

He then ran ahead to catch up with Cas and Anna, the sun was starting to set, just then Cas turned his head to Kai and said.

"Dude you know you gotta' flower in your hair right.."

Kai looked at him side ways then back at the town and slowly and surely said.

"Shut it."


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Points: 58
Reviews: 4

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Thu Dec 22, 2016 12:20 am
DestielAndGamTav wrote a review...



Here for a review! I really liked the plot, first off. A bit more world-building ingrained into the story would be fantastic! However, there were quite a few grammatical errors. Everything was minor, but I would suggest proofreading it a few more times. I noticed that a few of your words were missing letters, too, but that's simple. Overall pretty good!




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126 Reviews


Points: 344
Reviews: 126

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Mon Dec 05, 2016 3:24 am
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Aleta wrote a review...



Hey, here for a review. I like the idea although the grammar in the dialogue was slightly disrupting.

You seemed to use a lot of ellipsis which kind of became old.

"Heh, no I'm sorry.."
"Dude you know you gotta' flower in your hair right.."
"Wh...Cas what the hell!"
""No..hehe no,"
""Anna..hey whats up?"

I would suggest either getting rid of this entirely. Example for one of these:

"Anna! What's up?"

Kai looked at him side ways then back at the town and slowly and surely said.

Instead of a period put a comma since he is saying something.

"A little bald girl, short for 7,"

Write out the seven in this case since it is a story.

Anyway, those are just some grammatical mistakes I found throughout the story but they can be fixed by proofreading.




HotSnowman says...


Thank you for the input, and yea I definatley noticed the ellipsis, but since I wrote this about a year ago, and on paper it was the style I used there so I thought I should translate it. Really, thanks though I'll make sure to look into these in the morning :)



Ashketchem says...


I really like what you wrote keep doing good



HotSnowman says...


Thank you :) If you were curious I was planning on getting the next chapter out by Sunday after I edit this, anyways glad you liked it!




I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.
— Bilbo Baggins