Published September 17, 2015
A/N: This was inspired by a show I watched, but it really can be applied to anything, so I posted it here. :)
She could always tell his emotions by the sound of his playing.
When he was upset, sweat would bead up on his forehead, drops of it splashing onto frenzied fingers. The tune was never intelligible, a discord of notes that somehow became the voice of her concern, the sound of her worry and the breath of his nightmares. Those were the nights he would stumble into her room, half formed apologies muttered under his breath as he tried not to reveal his shaking fingers.
There were times when she’d have to step out and stop him, his fists resorted to punching the keys. She’d grip his wrists and he struggle against her, whispering hoarsely that he just needed to play, but she wouldn’t let go. She’d never let go.
When he was sad, he’d play a few tinkling notes on the higher end of the piano, blunt fingertips fluttering across the ivory. He’d stare at the bench as if it held all the answers to the universe, his carefully constructed mask of cool drooping at what he found.
If he noticed her watching, he’d sometimes sit, depending on the worry in her gaze. The music would always be half-hearted, ending right in the middle of the act like he couldn’t muster up enough energy to finish.
When he was happy, he’d abuse the pedals, slamming his toes onto their worn surface with relish. The music was still dark (did he play any other kind?) but there was a different inflection to it, something that sang of hope, of winning battles, of soul connections, of a girl who just wanted to be like her mother.
He’d catch her gaze as she walked through the door, surprised by the barrage of notes, sending her a quick sharp toothed smile that sparked a warm feeling of contentment spiraling through her.
When he was angry, he’d pound the sharps, putting emphasis on the grating splash of adjacent notes. He’d play the same song over and over, eyes glazed as he focused only on the forcefulness of his hands.
She avoided him then, plugging her ears until it was over. He’d find her later, huddled up with a book under the covers, asking quietly if she wanted to train. He knew the answer but she’d say yes anyway, letting him try to make it up to her in his own way, even though he never needed to. She always understood.
When he was worried or anxious, it felt almost as if the song was calling for her. He’d lose his place mid action, starting over in a hurried fashion, as if he thought she would scold him. His breath would ricochet haltingly off the sheets of music in front of him, uneven and almost staggered to the timing of the notes. His knee would bounce along, the petals abandoned as he played simply for himself.
Her head would rest on his shoulder and he’d glance at her, surprised for a moment until she motioned for him to keep going, closing her eyes. He’d slowly relax, just enough so that she could fold against him, the bench sometimes turning into their bed for the night.
And when she was too caught up in her own emotions to wonder how he was feeling, he would play a soft little tune, one that was only for her. It was probably the lightest thing she’d ever heard him create, something she’d never expect from him. But that was the point, it wasn’t about him, or for him, it was for her, a lilting, feminine, and somehow strong combination of notes that had her hugging him from behind. He’d play until she cried into his shoulder, ending with a sigh as he pulled her against him, whispered words of comfort the new tune that echoed in her ear.
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140,567 Literary Works • 673,442 Reviews
Yes! Yes! This is beautiful.
I tried. Happy writing!
I came to give a review but it will be hard to review this. I got so caught up in the story that I forgot to even think critically about the writing. It was just so sweet. I am very glad that I chose to read this today.
But I do want to be helpful so here are a few comments I came up with after stopping to just relish the sweetness of this.
I would love some more detail!! You give us so much audible detail (which is awesome. A lot of times it's really hard for me to come up with audible description without sounding cliche, but in your piece I can hear him playing the piano.) but I think you could add even more details about the setting and the characters. Where are they? What does the room with the piano look like? Is it just an empty room?
And then I would love to know just a bit more about the characters. I like that it's vague, because then we can kind of turn it into whatever situation we would like to read about, if that makes sense. But at the same time it would be nice to know a little bit so that I can picture the characters as I read.
Also, what was the line about him asking her if she wanted to train? Train for what? This took me out of the story just because there was no explanation to it. Either take it out or add some explanation sooner about what they would be training for. My suggestion would be to take it out.
I love the bit about curling up with a book (not just because I am a book lover) and I think you could even add some more details about the speaker. We know the guy plays piano, but what does she do? Read? Give us some more of her reading, then.
Anyway, I really like this.
I hope this counts as a review.
Thank you for the review!
Well I must say, this is likely one of the better pieces I've read on the YWS. As many of the others have already said, it was quite simply beautiful. The description was just enough to paint the picture of how the boy played his music, without overloading us with info. I could SEE this happening in my head, quite clearly. Any author with the skill to do that is worth tipping the hat to. Consider mine tipped.
This is incredible. I enjoyed every word I read.
Your writing is so vivid, the characters really jump out at you. I could really imagine the music being played, the expressions of your characters, the emotion, everything. Speaking of emotion, the emotion was so great and actually invoked these feelings in the reader (aka me).
Your word choice was really fantastic. I also loved how the writing flowed together, almost like a poem but in short story form. It really kept the piece moving and engaging.
I honestly have nothing at all bad to say about this. It was just so amazing.
Keep writing beautifully!
~Fire
This.
Is.
BEAUTIFUL.
Thank you!
This is absolutely beautiful. Never stop writing. Ever.
Each emotion was displayed clearly and thoughtfully, and they all had me empathizing, and smiling with your characters. Music is so emotional; especially piano music- I love it! What a perfect choice to demonstrate such feelings.
I had to read this sentence twice to understand it, and still it's a bit foggy. Partly this is due to it being quite a long sentence, and partly it's because the wording is a bit off, I think. For instance, I'm not exactly sure if the man in the story flashed her a smile, or if the music caused her to smile. I feel like you meant for it to be the music, but it makes more sense the way you worded it that he smiled.
This sentence reminds me of...
^This sentence. Maybe it's just me, but "upset" and "angry" seem pretty close. Also both these sentences are organized the same way, and the word-choice is quite close. This isn't a huge issue, but I'm wondering if you even need both of these. They're essentially saying the same thing and your readers will notice that, as I have. My advice: just keep one.
I like the idea that they often dozed off while he played, but I've never seen a piano bench large enough for one grown person - let alone two - to lay on... and then comfortably? I don't think they're generally much bigger than a metre- I'm sure there are some, but... still; would you be able to fall asleep on one of those?
Once again, I love this! It's not very often a love story is actually romantic any more, so this was a nice treat. Keep it up, my friend!
-Socks
The difference between the two emotions is that upset is more of a mix of sadness, anger and anxiety. Its a PTSD- battle reaction thing for this character (since he's kind of based off a character from a show) and anger is more straight forward, pissed sort of feeling. I agree though, they are pretty similar, it's just the outcomes that are different.
And the piano bench thing is improbable, but it's another one of those weird character things - these two could probably literally sleep anywhere. Plus the girl is really small. And the guy would probably sleep with his head on the keys tbh. Haha rambling now, thanks for the review!!
I love love love this! I really liked the way I could almost hear the music the boy was playing. I saw colors in the music like red and purple and orange and blue and periwinkle... It was a magically wonderful experience of sadness and beauty and amazing sorrow and deep pain and-- well a lot of other emotions. Bravo or should I say...bravA.
Thank you!
I don't know what show this is from, but I think I should watch it! But back to topic, this is very well written, in an interesting form. The descriptions of the ways he played and her responses seem to be carefully yet somehow carelessly crafted. The emotion underneath the words flourishes, carving a path to your heart. However, despite how good it is, it could do with a rewrite, as well as the re-structuring of several sentences. Even though it is an excellent piece, in many places it doesn't flow as well as it could. Keep working on your writing, though. I love it!
The show's called Soul Eater, it's actually an anime. Thanks for the review, I knew some parts sounded awkward but I wasn't really sure how to fix it.
Ah, Soul Eater. Though I only caught a glimpse of the piano playing scenes, I still understand the meaning nevertheless. I really like the words that you chose to convey his emotions, and how it applied to how he played the piano, but most of all, I like the overall meaning in some bits of it, and I actually like your style of writing quite a bit.
Thank you!