Adi reviewed the last few years in her mind as she flew.
Ashley becoming a family member (Loki had forbidden her to tell anyone about this), Steve breaking up with her mom...Adi thoughts settled on that..
______________________________________Flashback_____________________________________
"I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!" yelled Katie at a red-faced Steve.
"Look, I'm sorry. We can't be together when you act like this!" said Steve, not as loudly, but loudly enough. They had been arguing for days about whether Adi's power should be kept or removed. Adi hid behind the door listening.
"I refuse to let her keep her powers! She's not ready yet!!" Yelled Katie. Adi's eyes narrowed.
"Let her keep them! She can learn control!" Steve argued back.
"I'm done," Katie said quietly.
"What?" Steve stuttered.
"I'm done with you." and with that, Katie walked out of the room. She came back two seconds later to grab Adi, then left. They had traveled all over the place and Katie grew and grew weaker as time went on. When they traveled to Penn, Katie could barely stand by herself.
_________________________________________________________________________________
Adi rubbed away a stray tear.
"This is all his fault. If he had just listened, she wouldn't have gone! Maybe I wouldn't have my powers, but we'd still be a family! Now he's going to pay." Adi slowed down as she approached New York City. "This is it." She touched down lightly on the top of Avenger's Tower. Flying down a bit more, she landed on a platform.
"Who are you and what are you doing on my perfectly gorgeous Tower?" That's Tony, thought Adi. She turned around to face the man. Tony was standing with his hands on his hips. They dropped to his sides rather quickly when he saw her face.
"Hi, Tony," Adi said, smirking.
"A-Adi? Why, how, what, STEVE!" Tony yelled the last part. Adi's smirk was gone. She had tackled Tony to the ground. Tony stood up.
"I see how it is," He called his suit over. Adi dodged a couple of repulsors before Steve came running in with Thor and Clint behind him.
What now, Ton-Adi? What are you-"
"I'm here to kill you, Rogers," Adi said in her deadliest voice. Tony had foolishly removed his helmet and Adi chose that time to punch him so hard on the head that he blacked out. Clint laughed meanly.
"Did you hear her?! She's gonna take on four, er, three Avengers." Tony was lying on the ground, knocked out. Clint looked at Adi and narrowed his eyes.
"You broke my boy's heart...I will personally kill you." He lunged at Adi, only to be held back by Thor.
"Clint! Calm down!" Thor shouted. Steve took two steps toward Adi and she burst into flame.
"You ruined my life, ROGERS! YOU. WILL. PAY." Steve took a step back.
"Adi...We-I can fix this. Please, you're my daughter and I love you. I don't wanna hurt you."
"Well ain't that too bad." Adi threw a punch, which Steve blocked easily. She circled him, waiting, watching.
"I'm not gonna hurt you," said Steve putting his hands up. "You're my daughter...I love you."
"Adi?" A completely new voice entered. Adi whirled around.
"Nate..." The boy's face hardened.
"What the hell are you doing here?!" Nate shouted. Adi didn't respond, she just blocked a punch thrown by Thor. "You know what?! Nevermind, I don't wanna know. All I'm gonna say is get the hell out of here." Cint whispered something to him and he nodded running back into the Tower. Adi flew up a few feet so that Thor and Clint couldn't reach her.
"Coward," muttered Clint. Adi's eyes narrowed. She lowered herself back down. Thor ran at her only to be thrown back by a wave of fire.
________________________________________Flashback________________________________
Katie bent over, coughing.
"Mom! Mom! Are you okay!" Adi squatted down to look at her mom's face.
"I'm....fine..." Katie managed to get out before another coughing fit.
"You're sick..really sick..." muttered Adi. Katie finished coughing and looked at her daughter.
"Yes. But I'll get better, don't worry." Adi nodded but didn't stop worrying.
________________________________________________________________________________
Clint's POV:
I cannot believe that bastard...I wanted to punch her guts soooo bad. If it weren't for freaking Thor and Cap, I would have. Nate was torn up when she left. He texted her, called her until she replied with one simple message: Stop...I hate you... Nate never understood why she said it and I didn't either. They loved each other! Anyways the bastard tried to take all of us. She injured Steve really bad, but other than a broken arm of Thor's, there was no other damage.
________________________________________________________________________________
"Mom, Nate keeps texting me...what should I say?" Adi muttered after checking her phone.
"Tell him anything to get him to stop texting. I don't know." Adi texted him four words and hit send.
"There, that should do it. He might be able to track me with my phone so...It would be best to let him go.." Adi hid her tears from Katie and kept walking.
________________________________________________________________________________
"LET ME GO!" Adi screamed, tears streaking her cheeks. Steve finished locking her up and glanced at her with a sad look.
"Why did you change? Where did my Adi go?"
"She died." Adi spat, harshly. "She got tired of dreams and woke up in the real world. She saw her dad and mom break up, she saw torture, she saw death. She's dead, Cap. And you can never change that." Adi said quietly. Tears were still pouring down her cheeks.
"Adi...Look I'm-"
"Shut up and leave me alone." Steve stared at her for a moment with the saddest look on his face before leaving. Adi heard his crying outside her cell. I broke him...She thought. She felt an odd feeling of gladness. "Hey Cap!" she called. Steve came back in, backwards for a moment and Adi was sure he was wiping his eyes.
"W-What?"
"Guess what? I'm gonna make you hurt. I'm gonna make you cry and beg for mercy, which, by the way, I won't give you." Adi distracted him with talking while melting the chains holding her down. Steve looked shocked.
"Adi what's-"
"Shut up, bastard." Now free, she stepped up to Steve and grabbed his arm.
"Let the pain begin." She started burning his arm with her hand. Steve started to scream.
2 hours...
Someone must have heard, because the Hulk came in the room, frowning.
"CAP HURT! HULK MAD!" He yelled and picked up Adi and threw her, knocking her out. Steve began to black out and barley noticed when the Hulk picked him up most gently and carried him to Tony, who fainted at the sight of him.
Tony's POV:
I watched Steve slowly come back to consciousness in a hospital. He looked confused for a second until a look of horror came on his face.
"Hey." I said softly. Capsicle shifted in his hospital bed so that he was nearer to me. I looked around the room for awhile, examining it. When I turned to face him I saw tears.
"Steve, hey bud, Steve. It's okay, you're safe. You're fine."
"I was so scared Tony. So scared...She hurt me really bad...and she was smiling while she did it...Tony, she was smiling!" Steve broke into uncontrolled sobs. I could barely move out of shock. Breathing deepy, I decided for a bro hug. Scooting my chair closer, I hugged Steve. I had to be careful of his arms, though. They were a blackened kind of color; it made me sick. Steve kept sobbing his heart out and I pulled his head closer to my chest...He was like a younger brother( no stony, sorry!) After a while, Steve calmed down enough to say,
"Where is she?" His voice cracked a little.
"Loki's old cell. Remember that thing?" I whispered as the nurse walked in.
"Mr. Rogers, we are..." Her voice trailed off as she looked at his arms. I looked, too. They were healing! I had forgotten about the serum. His arms were healing fast, although there would be scars
"Well, I guess that means no surgery. I'll alert the doctor." The nurse turned around and left. A few minutes later, Clint walked in.
"His he okay?" He asked me the moment he shut the door. Steve opened his mouth but I beat him to it.
"He's fine.." I grabbed Cint upper arm and walked him outside.
"What the hell?!" He yelled indignantly.
"Chill. I just wanted to tell a couple things..Number one, Steve is super shaken up about this whole thing and Number two, I-I think Adi broke him.."
"B-broke Cap? but-" I handed him my tablet and pulled up footage (provided by JARVIS.) Clint watched the whole thing with a look of horror and of disgust.
"So...see what I mean?" I asked. Clint grabbed my tablet and smashed it.
"I'll take that as a yes...How's Nate?"
"He's..er, coping. I think he's still pretty mad though...I gotta see Steve, see ya later." I nodded and walked out of the hospital.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,800 Reviews
Hey, Hope! I'm back with another review.
The story is progressing, certainly! Adi attacked Steve and now he might be broken. To be perfectly honest, I have no idea where the story is going to end up now. Adi could be wrecking all this havoc to later have a redemption arc or she could just plain out to be the villain. Either way, it isn't clear yet and I'm excited to see where this could be going.
One thing that really stuck out to me in this chapter is the characterization or lack thereof. Tony, Steve, Clint, and the Hulk didn't act at all like they would in canon. Most of what they said was incredibly out of character, even for the circumstances they were in. Typically, unless dealing with crackfics, characterization and staying true to how they would act in canon is important. You could dump all of the characters into a completely different universe, but as long as they stayed true to their character traits, then everything would be okay.
What I quoted right there felt incredibly out of character. Imagining Captain America saying that, no matter what the circumstances, was actually difficult. Whenever writing someone else's character, same with writing your own, you have to get inside of their head and think through all of their actions. Would Steve Rogers have really said that?
Same thing with Clint and Tony.
Also, why was Katie so weak? Did she have some sort of an illness? Was it stress that finally got to her? While her death was tragic and certainly added to Adi's backstory, the cause behind it almost seems non existent. Like she died for the sake of dying and adding to the super sad past of the main character.
One again, I want to stress about description. There's a lack of it throughout all this piece and it really feels like bones without any meet. There's a lot of action, but since there's a lack of description and emotions attached to that, it feels kinda empty. This article on description seems like it would help. Enforcing most of these things would give your world a broader setting.
Also, if there has to be a POV switch, it might be better if they were kept in third person as well. It gets a bit confusing to go from third person to first and back again. Simply easing over to viewing Clint's thoughts in a third person perspective would have worked well.
I don't have much else to say for this chapter! I do hope that you'll keep on writing!
~Adrian, Knight of RED
Wow... I love this. Yes... Yes this is good. Make it longer! I want to see and feel the fight! I have no idea why but I want to see Cap break more. And I want Adi to take a dark pleasure in it. Does she have fire powers because Chris Evans played both Captain America and the Human Torch? I don't really see how Nate (Love how you put Clint's new baby in the story, but sad that he's not actually in it. Maybe he could be hanging out with his dad at the Avenger's tower and see Adi? I think that sounds fun.) fits in. It feels like he was just thrown in for the heck of it. Clint would be aggressive like that just for her hurting Tony or threatening the Avengers. His personality is just that way. Also, I don't know how a little girl could take on a freaking thunder god, but you know.
First, at the beginning, you put "said Steve, not as loudly, but loudly enough" and the proper grammar would be "not as loudly, but loud enough".
Next, I would like to see more of Tony. I would love his personality to taunt Adi before she just comes down on him. Then Steve would be REALLY hesitant to fight her. (Remember how he was when it was Bucky at the end of Winter Soldier? Imagine that but times 20 because its his own daughter.)
Lastly, you put "ocking" instead of "locking" at the beginning of the last section. Also, I think Adi should scream "Shut and leave me alone." It would be more powerful.
This was great. I loved it and think it should definitely be longer. I love this.
Thank you! I will do what you said..and yes I share the same feelings about cap breaking...lol