The Simple Truths

Hey Hershey, really loved your poem! It's so simple, yet so deep. The only part I don't like is the part where you say "Life is a game of hide and seek. You lose, you find it, you play it again." I mean it's a good line, but I just don't agree with it. Yeah sure we can fall in love as fast as we can fall out of it, but eventually we're all going to find someone we can't do that with. There is always an end to hide and seek too, when you and the person hiding are just tired of it, and then when you least expect it you find them. No matter how long it takes, you usually find that person. The rest of the poem, however, I do agree with. Finding your place in the world, I think that's what everyone wants, whether they realize it or not. Then then there's the last part of your poem, "Time is a gift that may not last. You shouldn't waste now what little you have." You shouldn't always have a goal in your life. There are gonna be days that are just days. Days where you look at the world, and are like "Today I will live." Sure it's good to have goals, but sometimes you gotta live in the moment. Someone I know once said, "Make today a great day, cause it's a day that'll never come again. I guess what I'm trying to say is live in the moment while working. Now I may not be an expert, but people usually right something like this for two reasons. One, they generally believe or two they just got out of a relationship. I'm not gonna pry more than I already have, sooooo bye. Can't wait to read more of your work. Keep calm and write on! =^_^=

Hey HopeofDecember! Happy Independence Day (if you're American )! Overall, I do think that this poem was nice. It was cute, short, and entertaining to read. But there were a few things that caught my attention.

First of all, the opening line about love being a game of hide and seek was absolutely amazing! It definitely drew me in and made me want to read the rest of the poem. But then, as donizback mentioned, the punctuation sort of just disappeared. As a writer, you have the power. You can choose to use no punctuation at all or use it almost incessantly. But in order to keep the reader within the poem or short story — whatever piece of writing you've written — it's always best to choose one. So in the case of this poem, I would have liked to see the punctuation continue throughout the piece. It just makes it easier as a reader to follow along.

And lastly, the ending that most people seem to be complaining about. I personally thought that the ending was nice. However, I do think that punctuation would clarify the meaning, as it could have multiple. I interpreted the ending as saying "You shouldn't waste now, what little you have." as in, you only have a little bit of the "now" so don't waste it. But others seemed to think you were trying to say "You shouldn't waste now with what little you have." as in you shouldn't waste the present with the few devices that you have. Either way, they both could work. But I do believe there should be some clarification on what you personally were trying to say, with some punctuation.

Okay, so once again, I did really enjoy reading this! It was my first piece to review today and I think that it was wonderful. Other than using punctuation to wholly engage the reader and clarify some things that could be misinterpreted, I think this is a pretty solid piece. Keep it up and happy writing! xx Michael

Hi HopeOfDecember. I am reviewing this for you.

This is a reasonably a good effort provided you are a newbie here. Short and sweet.

However, there is something I noticed which I am unsure about. Why did you use commas only in some stanzas; who not in all?

And the ending could have been better than just saying "what little you have". I won't suggest what; but you may think of an attractive ending.

Overall it is cool and you can do much more than this. Good luck.

Hello.

I am here to review this poem. So here we go:

What Went Well

1. The length of the overall piece, said all you needed to say
2. Enjambment of the lines, very useful for pacing, I found
3. Punctuation, has been chosen selectively and thus, has more effect on thought placement.

Even Better If

1. Could do with separating stanzas. Maybe this was a formatting issue?
2. The message: was a little bit touchy-feely for my liking, about not wasting what you've got.
3. The title, could be seen as a little bit patronising, I would suggest maybe changing that XD

A nice poem. Well done!
Keep writing
~R

This was really enjoyable to read! It made me think, and I love poetry that does that.
One thing I loved was your rhyming scheme. It flowed so well, even though the words aren't perfect and forced rhymes. That's my favorite part about this, I think, it flows so well!
I really can't find anything to critique you on, so sorry! But I really enjoyed this. Great job

Hey there! I really liked your poem, especially the ending. It has a bit of a trite concept, but it was executed well enough so that it is still quite original. I personally think that it would be cuter if rhymed, but I liked the prose well enough. The only nitpick I have is this:

You shouldn’t waste now

what little you have.

I think you should add 'with' after now. It makes a bit more sense that way. Anywho, great poem and keep up the great work!

This is amazing! I loved it! *gives like*