'Sup
I'm so glad you posted this because I was worried you never would, and all of my shoe-related questions would never be answered </3
I feel like this will be a pretty useless review, so I apologise in advance for that. Heaps didn't happen in this chapter so I can't really comment on plot, but it was a super entertaining read. You're managing to maintain this fairytale feel to your writing, and it's working wonderfully. The three characters we've met are interesting and entertaining, and I'm curious to find out if what Geor and Regi are saying about things escalating is true. I like Mason's character; she's a bit sporadic and somewhat all over the place, and it makes her really quirky. I get the feeling things could eventually start turning somewhat dark, and I hope I'm right in saying that because I'm a rather twisted person. Overall, a lovely read!
I fear I'm going to be that guy now (well, girl) who spends an entire review repeating myself because the only real issues I had with this were ones I'd noted in the last review. I'm still uncertain why Geor has only now rocked up in Mason's life, but like I noted in my last review, I'll give you more of a chance to explain that as this is still early on in the story! A bigger issue that's still bugging me is the setting of this: I still don't really know anything about where these guys live, what kind of life they have, who they are exactly e.t.c. Basically, I still feel like I know very little about the world this story is set in. I still think the dialogue-narrative balance has something to do with this, but I don't like dictating people's writing styles so imma be chill on that. I just feel that at the beginning of a novel, setting up the world and the way it works is quite important. Otherwise, your readers may spend a lot of time wondering why certain things are happening, why characters are making the choices they are, and just generally what's going on exactly.
Something that isn't actually just a repetition of my last review (yay!) is in regards to Mason's reaction and general feeling about these children-stealing legends. It's totally cool that she doesn't believe them, but part of me wants her to at least question it a little. What if it is true? What if the disappearance of her shoe will, in fact, lead to chaos and awful consequences? I don't want her to believe everything Geor and Regi are saying and have a panic attack in the middle of the scene, but I'd like to see her worry a little, maybe. Partly because I get the feeling what they're saying is true, and that this shoe ordeal is going to lead to much greater things. This would have other benefits too, methinks, in the sense that it would break up your dialogue a bit. While the conversation is occurring, Mason can question her beliefs a little in-between. This is more of a suggestion than a critique, in fairness, but I figured I'd mention it!
Aaaaand that's it. I apologise for the uselessness of this review. I only pointed out, like, on thing (and it was a repeat of my last review anyway). I guess the two chapters/parts were pretty similar, so my critiques for both are almost the same. The main thing I think you should take from this is the 'building up your world' thing because I truly do think it's vital that you give us readers a better understanding of what everything is, and how it works. Other than that, there are no big issues with what you have so far. As always, please let me know if you've got any questions or comments regarding this review!
Keep writing,
xoxo Skins
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