z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Tips For Taking Over Summer Camp Chapter 7: A Different Way of Saying Things

by HolographicLadybug


Chapter Seven: A Different Way of Saying Things

Silvia smiled at me and vaulted onto the bunk above my own and landed gracefully onto her knees.

“So,” she said, sounding completely relaxed now, “Have you guys been here before?”

“It’s my first time,” I replied.

Rowan nodded. “And mine third.”

Silvia laid down with her hands behind her head. “Is it fun?”

Rowan nodded again. “Definitely. There’s acting and scripts writing and prop building. As well as more, but you will need to see.” She gathered up her books and glided over to her bunk. “So much fun. I will not ruin the surprise. So much more than just us doing acting. We hang out with the music and art kids too. They are ok.” She climbed up onto her bunk and sat there, her legs dangling off the side.

“Do you know what is going to happen in the morning?” Silvia questioned.

“Different every’s year,” Rowan replied. “Getting met with everyone, mostly. Games. Not sure what else. Always different.”

I looked at Rowan questioningly. Was English not her first language? Even when I was talking to her about books, I noticed that her speech was a bit off, occasionally mixing up where words were supposed to go or using them in completely different ways. But she sometimes didn’t talk like that and she also didn’t have an accent. So was I uneducated or did Rowan have a kind of ‘glitch’ when she spoke?

I though about asking her, but just in case English was her mother tongue, I didn’t for fear of accidental offense.

I looked up at the ceiling. “Light on or light off?”

“Doesn’t matter,” Rowan replied.

“Whichever works best,” Silvia said.

Because I liked to sleep with the light off, I got up and turned it off, then scurried back to bed.

“’Night,” Rowan murmured.

I heard her shifting a little, doing what I assumed was getting under the blankets. As I did the same, I started to hear quiet snoring from above me. Great. My bunkmate’s a snorer. I thought about moving to the bed under Rowan, but I was still slightly uneasy about being that close to her at such a vulnerable state. That and I didn’t want to make Silvia think that I hated her or anything.

As it turned out, Silvia’s gentle snoring was somewhat relaxing, reminding me of whale sounds or the melodies of birds. It wasn’t loud or inconsistent and I soon found myself liking the noise. As a result, I was soon asleep.

~

My eyes were forced open by harsh sunlight which seeped through the twin windows on either side of the door. The cabin had been turned to gold by the sun. Everything sparkled and was outlined by the light. I could even feel the warmth dance along my skin.

“Awake?” I heard Rowan ask.

That was when I noticed her leaning against the door. She was dressed in a long-sleeved sky blue shirt and black sneakers. Her hair was as fluffy as ever, spreading out behind her head like a brown cloud.

“Yeah,” I said, still a little drowsy, as I slid out of bed. “What’s the time?”

“Six-thirty,” she said.

I nodded, opened my other suitcase (which we forgot to unpack last night) and pulled out some clothes for today.

“Where can I change?” I asked.

“You can either do it under the blankets or go to the bathroom to do it.”

“Where would that be?”

“Same building as the mess. The closest to parking lot.”

I glanced back at my bed. Going all the way there wouldn’t be worth it if we were just going to come back. Besides, we would end up abandoning Silvia and she probably wouldn’t know what to do next or where we were.

Suddenly, I heard some movement coming from the top bunk: Silvia was stirring.

“Wha? Morning already?” she asked. Her voice was deep, cloaked in drowsiness.

“Yes,” I said.

Rowan pulled a phone with blue casing from her pocket. “Almost time to be in the mess. Get dressed in the blankets. I will not look.” She turned away, putting her forehead on the door.

I quickly got changed under my covers, getting dressed as quickly as possible without accidentally uncovering myself. At last, I managed to finish just as Silvia jumped down from her bunk wearing her fresh, new clothes.

“Ready?” Rowan asked.

Silvia and I both nodded and we exited the cabin and into the bright sunshine.


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Thu Apr 14, 2016 2:42 am
NympheaLily wrote a review...



Top of the morning, NympheaLily here!

These chapters are just so short! It's either that or I'm reading really fast. These reviews are just gonna keep on coming. The mysteries of the Crazy Cat Lady are just growing and growing. The way she speaks, acts, and her aura is just strange. I would love to read more. The first and only complaint I have (and by that, I mean question) is when you state;

"Rowan nodded. “And mine third.”" This kind of confuses me. What is she saying that about? Is it her first time, like Molly, or her third. It just confused me a bit.

The transitions between chapters were flawless (yes I'm going to keep on saying it, so you just have to tolerate it) and the wording was very impressive and as always KEEP THOSE FINGERS TYPING!
Ciao!
~NympheaLily




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Thu Feb 11, 2016 10:49 am
TriSARAHtops wrote a review...



Hi again! Fell out of the reviewing habit for a week there, but getting back to it now.

Hmm, I'm struggling to think of much to say for this chapter. Nothing is really jumping out at me as needing drastic improvements, which is a good thing, although I'm not sure if it's the strongest writing I've seen from you so far in this story.

On the whole, this chapter felt rather filler-ish. I think for your sake and getting to know your characters, it's a good thing to write these sorts of chapters, where nothing much happens, as it does allow you to get a better understanding of your characters, setting and the plot (and more, probably). But, as is often the nature of morning scenes, it doesn't really feel like this chapter, has really contributed anything important to the story. There are bits and pieces that give us more insight into the characters and their world, but on the whole, particularly in the second half, this chapter didn't really feel necessary.

This isn't really something to worry about for now - once you've finished the novel in its entirety and you've let it sit for a while, you can come back and go through and work out what bits you really need, which bits you don't, and the bits that you maybe need to mention earlier/later if they're caught up in a bit that you don't need for the story. Kill your darlings, in a way. So basically as you're writing it's always important to think whether the scene you're writing contributes anything to the story, but don't stress about it too much. Yet... *ominous music plays*

Rowan's the sort of character that is very memorable for her oddness, and Molly's also quite an interesting one. For this reason, I'd like to see a bit more of Silvia's personality right off the bat - lest she feel plain by comparison. Aside from the fact that she snores, there's nothing about her that's leaping out at me, which I'm not super worried about yet because it's still early days, but first impressions for the reader are important, so maybe give us a little more description of how exactly Silvia is acting - is she excited, nervous, relaxed? It could be as simple as describing some body language, but I think you're capable of doing more to make her personality leap off the page a little more.

Something I really enjoyed in this chapter was how well Molly's voice was portrayed. You've managed to keep her personality up throughout the narration, and it's nicely engaging to read.

I liked that you touched on Rowan's strange way of talking, and the way that you had Molly wondering about it worked pretty well, I thought. Her thought process seemed realistic and true to her character.

Looking forward to the next chapter and seeing more of the camp. Any questions, let me know! :)




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Mon Jan 25, 2016 4:08 pm
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Rin321 wrote a review...



Hello again HolographicLadybug! CHRISSY321 back again to review!

I again did not see much to fix! Here is what I did see:

Rowan nodded. “And mine third.”


I am not sure if you meant to do this beaches she seems to be having some 'glitches' in her english, but if you did not mean to, it should be:

"And my third"

I really like some of the different literary elements you had in this chapter:

I love the personification in this phrase:
Everything sparkled and was outlined by the light. I could even feel the warmth dance along my skin.

This actually made me fell how she felt in the sun! It is great just using these different elements in you writing because they make such a huge difference! Yay for you!

I actually have nothing more to say about this chapter! I think it was great and that there was really nothing to fix! :) Excited to keep reading!

Chrissy <3





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— Nate