The outer body is the only piece we can't control
Sure we might have scars, marks, and bruises
But genetically
It's something we as humans can't change
Everyone is beautiful
To some, life is game to find that significant other who sees them on the outside as beautiful
But the outer body can't tell the full story
Again, we have marks and bruises to tell A story
But not the full one
Through the eyes is the only tunnel towards inner beauty
Don't believe me?
Look into the eyes of a Vietnam vet
As I like to call them the best story tellers
Cause they tell the stories with their eyes
If you ever get a chance to hear one of the sad stories
Watch the eyes
Study them
Cause while he has the thousand yard stare
You start to see how his life shaped up from these hurtful expierences
But iv learned inner beauty comes from a filthy room
Inside a room where chairs are broken
The bed is a torn springy old mattress
The walls are covered with holes and chipped paint
Paint when he tried to cover up his old mistakes
The best beauty and stories come from something so broken
We never let anyone inside afraid of what they will see
We are scared cause others described their rooms as a mansion
A mansion with state of the art furniture
Beautiful colors that give the room light
Trying to brag of a fake room
But let's look a little deeper into the truth
Every hole in the wall
Every piece of chipped paint
Every rotten thing in that room has significance that made you beautiful
That ugly room is a step to creating the most beautiful room
I like to call that room personality
Your walls and struggles in life fill that beat up room
But that room is what shaped you into the person you are
Cause every defeat
Every mistake
Every failure
Has taught you to be stronger
To be bold
To be confident
That room built your character
I love the saying "no one is perfect"
Because we all make mistakes
Learning from those mistakes turns the hideous room into a masterpiece
A masterpiece to show everyone
Note to self
Every struggle
Every mountain
Every battle is God
God bringing you one step closer to that perfect room
Cherish that room
Be confident in that room
That room is who you are
Don't spill over it with lies
Be proud of it
Be proud of yourself
Most importantly
Know that room is the most beautiful room every created
Gosh, this is amazing. It genuinely made me smile. I love how you use repetition in some parts to emphasize points, it makes the poem even better. I do have a small suggestion, however. Next time, go back and re read the work and check for spelling/grammar errors. There are only a couple. Once again, this is an amazing poem!
Hello, hockeybro0017! Welcome to YWS!
This was an enjoyable poem, but the flow was a bit hard to follow. As Moonwatcher said too, stanzas would make this poem a lot more fluent. Other than that, the rhythm was perfect.
As for grammatical errors, I noticed a few things. The first is in the description. You wrote bevause instead of because, which immediately might put off a reader. To my knowledge, there is no way to change that, so I'd say just remember to proof read for next time? Yeah, I guess that's what I'm saying...
Also, instead of I've, you write iv a few times. Just a heads up.
So overall, awesome poem. I look forward to reading more of your works!
P.s. sorry for focusing on only the mistakes in the poem, but I have to go somewhere uet I really wanted to review this. So, this is not at all a bad poem, I just figured pointing out the mistakes would be more helpful in the time I have. Now, I got to go, so adios!
-Sheyren
Hello there, Hockeybro0017!
This is Moonwatcher here to review your poem! ^-^
I feel as if stanzas could definitely help this poem out when it comes to flow and appearance. It could certainly make the transitions more smoother and some parts less choppy, but I've heard that formatting on the Publishing Center can be really hard sometimes, so this is only a suggestion. Not to mention stanzas can be more of a stylistic choice.
I feel as if you do a lot of telling in some parts, and a lot of showing in some parts, but there isn't really a balance. I feel as if the imagery that makes your poem strong should be something constant and throughout, in order to make the entire poem stronger, rather than having an unbalanced mix all over the place.
The punctuation is somewhat inconsistent, with commas being in some places that they have to be, and in some places they don't. I'm not really saying, "oh all poetry needs punctuation" but I'd make it somewhat more consistent, especially since it's in the middle of the lines and not at the end of them.
You start to see how his life shaped up from these hurtful expierences
But iv learned inner beauty comes from a filthy room
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