The glow of Nintendo Faces
Shining out into the dark
In all these exotic places
They should save it for home in Denmark
Us others enjoy the fire glow
A fun camping thing to do
We simply relax, and go with the flow
But still they are stuck like glue
One zombie comes out of his Trance
His bladder pulls him away
He does the “busting for a wee” dance
But he’ll be right back to play
No, he’s gone to the caravan
And returned with a bottle of Smirnoff
And for his father a beer can
At last he’s turned that thing off
But the other’s still stuck to her screen
She can’t get it out of her head
She thinks that we’re all being mean
But soon her batteries will be dead
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haha i've had that happen to me too.
Yeah, it's a true story. My mum, dad and I made it up around the campfire while my brother and sister played Nintendo DSs.
love this verse! hahaha
I don't know if this is based off a true story but I think you shouldn't mention any recognizeable names like Denmark. It's irrelevant to the poem i think. Maybe you could say,
"In all these exotic places
enveloped in pixel art"
Us others sounds a little awkward, even saying it. Maybe you could keep it narrative! So like you aren't apart of the scene, you're just describing it. So instead of "Us others" it's "The others".
"Simply relaxing and going with the flow
But still they are stuck like glue"
sorry if it feels like I'm trying to rewrite the poem, just throwing out suggestions!
p.s. i enjoy camping a lot too. Overnight fishing at the lake under the clear sky with beautiful stars and a huge moon is definitely riveting.