Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet
eating her curds and wey
Along can a spider
sat down beside her
and bid her politely to stay
Little Miss Muffet, having to rough it
kept her tears at bay
She smiled seek, not even an "eek!"
and heard what he had to say.
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I am working on something new, i don't know when ill post it. But if you are interested in Dungeoncore you may want to keep an eye out.
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
Hello! This is Orabella here with a short review. ^^
I love this spin on the old tale! I always thought it was kind of odd that Miss Muffet ran away from a tiny little spider, and with this you're turning the old nursery rhyme on its head (while still keeping the original.) Very hard to do, but I think this turned out fantastic!
First off, let's start with some things that might be improved... not much? (It's a short poem, but nonetheless, there still is a low percentage of things I noticed)
It seems like this line here needs "came" instead of "can" unless I'm reading it wrong?
And here...
I'm probably not reading this right, but seek doesn't make sense to me here. How can someone smile seek? Is her smile seeking the spider? Perhaps you meant "sweet", as in she had a sweet smile, although that doesn't rhyme as strongly with "eek" (still works, though). Is there another meaning to seek that I don't know? To me, all it means is to find or to look for, which doesn't make sense in this context. Let me know if I'm missing something.
And now on to another portion of the poem... what I thought was amazing!
For some reason this line really sticks out to me:
This takes the original piece and twists it in just the right way. In the original, Miss Muffet just runs away without a second thought, but here it's giving light to the idea that maybe the spider was there for a reason, and that really, he just wanted to talk. The wording on this is perfect in my opinion, and it's a solid way to end the poem.
I also love the change in rhythm. You made this significantly longer than the original piece, so you had to change the rhythm and the rhyme placement, which you did in a very sophisticated way and it turned out great. I love that you took rhythms from previous parts of the poem and incorporated, and in a way, took them in a different light to create the rest. For example:
This feels almost like two clauses, almost like there's a comma in between "Muffet" and "sat". You used this to create the following lines, which I think was super clever and resourceful.
Overall, though it's short, it's a lovely spin on the old nursery rhyme! I love the way you took this, and in such a simple yet impactful way.
And ooh, something new? I'd love to see it! Is it out already, or is it still in progress? Feel free to let me know when you publish it, or if it is already available to read!
Thank you so much for deciding to share this with us! Hope you have a terrific beginning of your day/rest of your day, and hope to see you again! Don't forget to keep writing!
you are right in both accounts, seek was used just because i needed a rhyme, and it was supposed to be came
Hello Hello, I hope you dont mind me popping in with a quick review, I will apologize as this will be a pretty short one. However, I hope this will at the very least make your day a little brighter.
Overall I find the idea of playing around with classic nursery rhymes fun. After so many of us have known them since childhood it is an accessible thing to change and reinterpret. The fact that the meaning and message can be changed by altering a few lines is also very interesting.
like others have said I like the rewritten ending as I can see it from two different angles. The first one is the obvious overcoming your fears and being kind to those not like us. The second one is how society expects us to function and still be polite even when huge events affect our mental health.
Either way, this was a cool but quick read and I wish you luck with this new project.
As always keep writing and remember to drink water!
thank you
Hey, KaeRae here for a short review~
Ahh I honestly had forgotten about this little Nursery rhyme. It has been so long since I have last heard it.
I googled the lyrics because I totally did not forget what they wereJust going to paste it here so I have a reference:
Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet,
Eating her curds and whey,
Then came along came a spider who sat down beside her,
And frightened Miss Muffet away!
I liked yours better... Honest question here, why do nursery rhymes always have a second more evil meaning to them? Like ring around the Rosie is about the Black Plague. As far as I know, Little Miss Muffet doesn't have a second meaning, but I like that you changed the lines to
We tend to be scared of anything that looks different than us, and even just reading your poem it made me smile. We all need to be more respectful of everyone else. I apologize if that isn't the meaning that you were trying to portray, but that is what I thought of when I read it.
Overall, I like the little twist you put on this nursery rhyme~
Sending love,
Kaerae
thank you
Hey there, my friend! Ellie back to review this poem
To begin, the first four lines are from the traditional mother goose poem! Normally, in the last line, it says "and frightened Miss Buffett away." but instead, your poem says:
I like this take on the poem. Instead of running away, she stays. It is like an alternative ending, how cool!!
so it seems that Miss Buffett does not want to speak to the spider, so she fights though and tries not to cry. She smiles, doesn't even show her pain, then she listens to the spider. To me, this seems symbolic maybe of an interaction the writer has had in real life. Being forced to hide how they really feel about someone and touch through the pain to listen to their words.
Overall, this was a very quick poem but the thymes and flow were awesome! Great work and keep on writing!
Your friend,
Ellie
thank you!