Published April 20, 2010
It was an ordinary day at Walver Valley. The band had their instruments out and ready. then the sound of an argument rose from the back. a tuba and bari sax were going at it. "We are the greatest in the base line", claimed the 1st chair tuba. "No, I am the best", responded the bari. The argument rose as other instruments joined in. The band was divided with brass on one side and woodwinds on the other. With a cry, a single baritone player drove his instrument down upon a clarinet and chaos broke loose. Instruments were flying and mscicians going down. at the center were the tubas, baritones, and trumpets. The tubas were sucking woodwind players into the vortex of their bells. Their souls were poured out of the spit valves in the form of TUBA JUICE!!! The baritones were blasting away anyone who got too close with their aura of high G. The trumpets swung their instruments like hammers, dealing out concussions. The woodwinds were running in fear when the conductor returned. He looked over the sight with stoney eyes. the bodies were hurridly disposed of and once again classresumed
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140,529 Literary Works • 673,399 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Okayy...well, when I read that title, I was expecting something entirely different from what this piece has managed to produce, but I will say on first glance here, it is a really fun change, well, not necessarily fun per say, but it does make for a rather refreshing dose of uniqueness here because this is most certainly not something I've seen before.
The one issue that I can spot here quite quickly is the lack of paragraphing. Its not always a problem for something as short as this, but we've got entirely too many things happening all at once in this piece for it to exist in just the single paragraph. I think splitting things up a touch would make this a lot smoother and it'd just work much better as a result here.
Besides that, the actual construction of the scene here seems quite solid to me at least and I think you've done a pretty good of showcasing this action sequence. The flow is certainly smooth enough to follow and for the most part it manages to remain somewhat realistic which works out quite well for making this scene that much more powerful.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
This is your fellow New Age Inkling, Being a band nerd I love it. Needs to be longer though. It also ends abruptly.