The lights switched on in an empty room. I looked in through the window and was blinded by the bright, white light that emanated from nowhere. My eyes fluttered open and the once empty room was filled with life. There was a waterfall surrounded by plants and a garden, the world continued for miles, forever. I heard the tinkling of wind chimes as I saw ripples in the midst of the waterfall. I turned around and saw a beautiful forest spread out in front of me, ferns emerging from the dewdrop covered grass. I smelled the fresh scent of pine, and I could hear the sound of the waterfall behind me. I took a step, feeling the damp grass brush up against my leg. Once again, the soft ringing of the wind chimes reached my ears. Following the sound of the fairy bells, I made my way to a simple door standing alone atop a small hill. I could see a light peeking out from the door, the same light that had taken me to this world. My hand reached for the doorknob, which sent a warm pulse through my body. I turned the knob and opened the door. There, I faced reality. All I could see was death and corruption. All I could smell was smoke, and I could hear nothing but the chimes beckoning me back through the door. I stepped away from the lifeless world, passing through the door frame; and with one last glimpse of the dreary reality, I shut the door, sealing myself inside of a fantasy.
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139,139 Literary Works • 672,415 Reviews
Hello! My name is Cookie64 and I will be reviewing.
This is the most detailed piece of writing that my eyes gazed upon. stunning and beautiful- These are the two words that mainly describe this heavenly literature. The main idea is Reality verses Fantasy. Lots of people, including me have had the feeling of wanting to stay in that world of imagination. Sometimes, reality is too horrible and depressing and in this case, it is. Using sensory language like "All I could see was death and corruption," for reality and "I heard the tinkling of wind chimes as I saw ripples in the midst of the waterfall. I turned around and saw a beautiful forest spread out in front of me, ferns emerging from the dewdrop covered grass," for the fantasy. Just amazing. I will leave you off with this. Please keep writing. I beg of you because you have an awesome way will words! Good day!
-Cookie64
Thanks! And a good day to you!
I'm sorry you didn't do any revising. I just got caught reading the first few sentences again. They are very good. I was in a whole other world again. I do still want to know what is the sound of a small water-fall, while having the scent of pine fill my nose. I still think this a awesome. I mean come on. I read it twice and got lost both times.
Best of Luck
Yeah, thanks. And yeah, I figure out the sound of the waterfall sometime soon, and lol.
This is honestly an amazing work. Reading this made me realize how much of a bridge there is between reality and fantasy. Yes, I see there is room for improvement, but I myself am still an amature, so I sadly cannot give you any help. Keep up the amazing work though
Thanks! There are different ways to interpret this, but yeah, it does show a bridge between reality and fantasy, but there are also other secret messages in it.
This has great potential. I learned from my English teacher that simple words like "sound" can often be more descriptive words like: rushing or blistering. Rather than saying "The sound of the windstorm was loud", you can say "A torrent of wind surrounded me and my ears began to ache, as I stepped forth into a blistering white abyss. There is no need to say there was a sound because you can already hear and feel the wind rushing around you. Keep writing you are doing a beautiful job.
Thanks, and yeah, I agree with the sound thing, I didn't want the waterfall to sound "crashing", because I originally envisioned it as one of those small spring waterfalls, so I wasn't really sure what to put there.
That makes sense. It is tough to pick words for soft delicate sounds. I notice you did a little revising. I like it much more now. The words coming together quite nicely. You may have to write more about this world in the short story dept.
Yeah, I'll probably do that sometime, this is just something I did when I had spare time and I wanted to write. Thanks for the advice!
This piece of poetry is amazing. In the first few sentences, I felt suspense. From using the word bright to describe the light, it gives the reader an awareness that the next scene will be uplifting. White is also a color that symbolizes purity, which explains the "fantasy". You used all of your senses to describe the scene, and that helped me understand the scene more than only what you see or hear. When the narrator opens the door, I expected something even better than the current world (using warmth and light), and even though that misdirect loses part of the trust readers will have in the narrator, it adds more interest.
The only confusing part was at the end, where the narrator never said that they stepped through the door, but you could have also mean figuratively as well and literally.
This was a beautiful piece of poetry, and I loved every bit of it.
Thanks, I'm going to have to do some editing in the near future.
Honestly this was well described. I do not mean to be rude however, but if this is a poetry, what type of poem is this? Next time, please put in spaces and such. But honestly you did pill m in. I like how you included this line "...the soft ringing of the windchimes reached my ears". I like that sentence/line in particular. To be honest I do not know why. But like there are few grammatical error, next time do a quick read over! But other than that keep going!
Also welcome to YWS I hope you have fun here friend!
"The spaces and such" are called stanzas.
Yeah, sorry about that. And I know what stanzas are, I didn't know what to do with this really.
No need to apologize friend! Just keep practicing
Plus you're really good aha
Thanks!