Published April 1, 2011
TRAITRESS HEART
THE HEART HAPPENS TO
BE THE MOST IMPORTANT
ORGAN INSIDE OUR BODIES
TO KEEP BLOOD PUMPING
AND HELP US LIVE LONGER,
BUT IT IS VERY DECEIVING.
OUR HEARTS TELL US ONE
THING BUT IN THE END IT
EXPECTS US TO WANT MORE
AND MORE TIL OUR SATISFACTIONS
LEAD US TO GREED AND SELFISHNESS..
WE DONT WANT THAT TO HAPPEN TO US,
IT IS MAINLY TRUE THAT THE HEART WAS
DESTINED TO BECOME OUR ONE AND ONLY
TRAITOR. IN THE WORLD OF LOVE, THE
HEART INTERFERES IN THE RELATIONSHIPS
AND INTENDS TO CONFUSE US, FEEDING OUR
MINDS WITH DOUBTS AND REGRETS. WHEN
COMING TO A FINAL DECISION, LET US NOT
ALLOW THE HEART TO MAKE THE DECISION
FOR US OR WE'LL MOST LIKELY TO LOSE THE
ONE PERSON WE TRUELY LOVE AND CARE FOR..
THE ONE WHO MAKES US FEEL LIKE WE'RE THE ONLY
PERSON IN THEIR LIVES AND REGARDLESS OF WHAT
THE HEART TELLS US, WE'LL NEVER GIVE IN.
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140,539 Literary Works • 673,409 Reviews
Well, I'm going to piggyback off of what mybrokenheart said. With everything kind of just running together and it being all caps, it came off like it was an angry rant. Only you know why it is all in capital letters, but when writing a poem like that (if the caps thing was on purpose) tell the readers why you chose to do it that way. At the same time, still getting your point across about how the heart is deceiving and why you feel it is that way. Because to me and I'm sure alot of others, you seem pretty pissed about it.
Alright, much like what Grif above me said, the capital letters were highly distracting. But before I get into that, I want to talk a little about the content. Overall, I really did enjoy the poem. I feel like the focal point was interesting and the idea was simply universal so easy to relate to.
Now, critically...question. Did you keep everything in capital letters on purpose? Or was it just that way? Because it all depends upon that. So since I don't know fully if it were intentional or not, I'll focus on another aspect. Punctuation. All that grammar stuff they taught us back in elementary school that we used to get annoyed by, really starts helping in writing as we get older. They add to the affect of a poem, give it more feeling. Plus, with no commas or even periods I felt like everything just ran right into each other all in one breath.
All in all, I truly did like the poem. Just watch your conventions next time. Hope I helped a little!
~MBR
Whoa...
Okay, so I guess I should describe this weird habit that readers have. Readers have been conditioned so that when they see capital letters, they read it as "shouting."
DO YOU UNDERSTAND?
Since the poem is written in all capital letters, it seems like it shouting throughout the entire poem. Which makes me wonder just who is reciting it. It was terribly distracting.