To God
I’m sorry,
But it’s like a star falling in day…
And God,
I still don’t know how to say,
I’m sorry,
But death will take me soon…
And God,
She still just stares toward the doom.
You can’t be like this,
Yeah, everything’s come back to this…
You’ll never take it down,
Yeah, it’s just like the sound,
Of me screaming…
I’m sorry,
But I just can’t go away…
And God,
You still don’t want to say,
I’m sorry,
But the pain will never come…
And God,
Please tell me that she’s done.
You can’t be like this,
Yeah, I’ll never forget this…
You’ll always come around,
Yeah, it’s just like the sound,
Of me dying…
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
This sounds more like song lyrics than anything. It would sound prettier with a melody. I agree with DD.
Great job!
Heh, I kept going through saying 'this one's my favorite stanza... no, this one'.
Not too profound and lyrical, but nice nontheless.
Good job!
Starting was a bit sudden and confusing.
Body was fine.But the starting makes the whole piece confusing.
Keep writing.