z

Young Writers Society



Never

by Heather_BlackCain


Never

There’s nothing I can say to you…
And there’s nothing I can do.
There just can’t be a single dream,
That I can place for you…

There’s everything they do to you…
And there’s nothing I can do.
There isn’t a remembrance worth,
A life or death from you…

Never in a million years,
Could I regain your trust.
Never in a single day,
Could I do the things I must.
Never in a legacy,
Could I take back my place.
Never in a deed or act,
Could I look at your face.

There’s only hate and lust to you…
And there’s nothing I can do.
There will never be a feeling,
Where I can forgive you…

There’s nothing I can give to you…
And there’s nothing I can do.
There is a world where I can live,
Where there never was a “you”…


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368 Reviews


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Mon Sep 04, 2006 10:15 am
Shine wrote a review...



Never in a million years,
Could I regain your trust.
Never in a single day,
Could I do the things I must.
Never in a legacy,
Could I take back my place.
Never in a deed or act,
Could I look at your face.


I liked this para very much.

Ending was no wonder really good.

In all I would say fantastic.
:)




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411 Reviews


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Mon Sep 04, 2006 7:44 am
Sohini says...



yeah, the 'never' word was over-used and the rhyming a bit forced at times.
it was more of a repetation throughout.

but the last line is awesome. well done for that!




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688 Reviews


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Sun Sep 03, 2006 9:49 pm
xanthan gum says...



A lot of parts are redundant and the rhyming is a bit forced. Work on this, first.





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