Hi there
I am here
Sitting with my legs crossed
Elbows on my knees
Chin on my hand
My mouth is closed
My ears are open
I smile and nod and laugh at your jokes
And I silently shout
I am here
I am here
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139,613 Literary Works • 672,625 Reviews
This was short but I think its for the best. Lots of long poems lose meaning with length. they dtrech words and bend them trying to one more line onto a peice that was perfect ten lines ago. This was short and sweet. I liked that. I also noticed you used simple words. That brought out the poem too because it made emphasis on how it was a real person talking, a real person thinking, not a walking dictionary. This was good.
Forever, Writer.
So very relatable, as you already said. I love it!
It seemed a bit short and lacking in depth. Yes, it's a short poem, but maybe different words could create that depth of really liking him.
Although, the simplicity of it also just states that she likes him a lot and wants him to notice her. It works for this, because when you want someone you like to notice you, that's a very simple, very urgent thought in your mind nearly all the time.
Keep writing! :]
No grammar errors, but you could use some punctuation. I liked the poem, because so many times there are people like that all around you, just asking to be noticed. Keep Writing!
That was so funny! I know you probably didn't mean it to be humorous, but that was so realistic!!! Did that actually happen to you? Cause it did to me!! That's like my life story - not only with boys. I don't think you should add anything. It was nice and simple and got the message through. I loved it. Good job.
Aaaaw, that's cute!
All you need is some punctuation and it'll be better than ever. Great job on it over all though. I liked it and it is relate-able. So, great job
Keep writing,
Alzora
Hayden. Punctuation is your friend. Remember that. I can't really say much else, as this was too short a poem, but I can tell you that it's very lacking. All you've told us is that you're sitting, listening and laughing, and wishing he would notice, really notice, that you're there. Okay that last bit was only implied. We need more. The title implies flirtation. Maybe you could go a bit into that aspect of the situation? You've only really given us half a moment, which isn't much to go on.
Hope I helped!
>>Annie<<
Hey! I liked this; it was easy to relate to, and even though it was simple, it somehow kept me interested. Sure, it was short. Maybe it could have been longer, yeah. But it wasn't, and that was your choice, and who am I to tell you what to do? It's your writing, and it's good despite its simplicity and length. Also, even though it is simple, it's not boring and it still feels like poetry, as opposed to short prose. Good job with that; sometimes less involved poetry (not rhyming, not very descriptive, etc.) doesn't seem like a poem at all to me. Well, that whole review was redundant. Oh well, I hope it was mildly helpful anyway.
I enjoyed this. Yes, it was short. Yes, it was quite simple, but somehow, it caught my attention in a different way to other works out there.
I do think you COULD elaborate more on this, however, the simplicity is part of what made me enjoy this. I liked how accurate your description of how we behave while lusting after people =P
Loved that line... so true as well...
And yes, those silent shouts in your head when you think it's obvious, but it really isn't, so they continue to ignore you.
I'm not really one fore giving criticism (hence my review count), but there isn't anything much to give to this. I felt like reviewing anyway.
I hope that was... helpful in some way. It wasn't very constructive, but I really did enjoy reading this. Sorry... This is kinda a waste of a review, but most of my reviews end up being something like this =P
hey there.
While there's no spelling or grammar errors that I can see, this is really too short to articulate a story or give the reader anything new or even really make a general impression. Also, you have a lack of punctuation at the end of your sentences. Try extending it and then see how you do! Happy writing!