The ceiling stares back at me. Darkness fills every hole and every crevice, as light fleas, faster and faster by the second. Every ounce of space is overcome by the sheer betrayal, Light has gifted to it, and I just lay there. I can not move in a sea of dark. It's like a weight weighs me down, and every ounce of feeling is gone as I fly down the labyrinth inside my head.
This is Darkness. We know each other well. I know what he is capable of... But now that I think of it, many people know that too. Many know just as well as I, that he can take on many forms. Some I fear more than others.
As I linger in that bed, I feel consumed. Breathing is necessary, yes. Yet so hard to achieve.
I fear him. Though, I do not fear him in the way others do. I do not fear his shadows. Because we only learn to fear when we know what not to fear. I freely gave that knowledge to him long ago.
People say Light conquers Dark. Those people do not know him. He, unlike Light, does not use force. He doesn't strike. He waits.
He shows when light tires. He shows you his ways. He shows what he offers. He befriends you.
He waits. Waits. Until you begin to enjoy his company. Though, not as a friend. More like the filler to the void, you never knew you had. The glue to your paper. The tether you cling to when everyone else leaves so they can cling to Light. unlike Light, you do not need to bargain for him to stay.
However. It is very easy to get rid of Light, and very difficult to rid of Dark. Dark fights you. Light does not. Light always wishes to leave, to fly. He is the one everyone wishes to have, but can't always have. While darkness is the one no one wishes to have, but always has.
With Darkness, it doesn't matter who you are, or who you were. He is always there at your worst.
With Light, he stays only for your best.
Light is the good thing, that is hard to get. Dark is the bad thing, that is easy to get.
I lay once again, surrounded by that cold, pure emptiness. I lay there thinking. Hours go by, while being embraced by Dark. Time goes faster. Yet slow. And It finally dawns on me.
The thing with Dark is. He cares too much. Everything he loves, he breaks. He does not mean to. But he does.
Once your to far gone. You can't come back.
So I will warn you once, before I myself fall into that deep sleep. He is not whom you wish him to be. There is no harmony between you and him.
Light is the beautiful lie to Darks tragic truth.
I beg you to fight him. If not for the possibility of Light coming back. Then for possibility waking up.
And with that. I sleep.
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Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
I can't say that this is a short story, and neither can I say that this is a poem. I will judge it like I might judge a short story, but for the most part I will look at it as a poem.
Some mistakes:
-"It's like a weight weighs me down, " This isn't a major mistake, just a bit of preference. A weight that weighs me down sounds humorous in my mind. Perhaps try some other word to make it more powerful--an anchor that weighs me down, perhaps?
-"This is darkness. We know each other well." Hello darkness, my old friend... (not a mistake, I just wanted to sing that song)
-"Many know just as well as I, that he can take on many forms. Some I fear more than others." There's the comma in the middle of the first sentence that doesn't make too much sense to me. Why would you need it there in the first place? And also, the second sentence can be referring to the people who are familiar with the dark or the forms of darkness. It's ambiguous, so you might want to make it more specific.
-"People say light conkers dark." Conquers.
-"unlike light, you do not need to bargain for him to stay." unless comes after a period, so capitalize it.
-"Hours go by, while being embraced by Dark.Time goes faster.yet slow." Perhaps put a space between those periods, and capitalize Yet.
-"Once your to far gone." You're.
Actual Review:
Darkness gets a bad reputation, and I'm glad that someone is finally speaking up about it. Granted, it could use some work, but it's definitely something worth looking at. You sometimes capitalize Light and Dark, which is spectacular because it treats the two as characters to a story, but you're never consistent about these things--it'd be notable if you tried to capitalize all Lights and Darks if you do it more than once.
I feel like you could also mention how some people might be afraid of darkness because darkness represents the unknown, and yet how some people find comfort in that because its better than the harshness of light. Take use of those metaphors. Make it powerful and fun.
Overall, though, this was a very nice read, and a lovely addition to my library.
Signing out,
--EM.
Thank you! I'm happy you enjoyed the poem/short story. Also, thanks for the input, I will try to fix the things you talked about.
Hey Haven !
I am confused if its a short story or a poem !
Though it was nicely pennedand emotions are carved pretty good.
I5w a common thing that people fear dark and unknown but I qm not one of them. It would be adventure for me.
Work up a little more on grammar part and you ll do great
Very interestingly penned.
Keep it up
Blessings !
thank you, but I'm sort of confused by 'Work up a little more on grammar part' if it's not too much of a bother, could you give me an example? I really do want to get better, but I need to know what it is I did that needs to be fixed.
Hello, this is Kman134 with a review for your work.
Let's say that this poem was was very long and looked more like a short story. However, it was pretty good with very eye-catching symbolism and themes.
"I fear him. Though, I do not fear him in the way others do. I do not fear his shadows. Because we only learn to fear when we know what not to fear. I freely gave that knowledge to him long ago."
We all fear the dark and we all fear the unknown; i like the symbolism behind that part where you anthropomorphized the element of darkness and how he appears as an anti-hero, feared, yet love. Though he appears evil, darkness can be sympathized with.
"I lay once again, surrounded by that cold, pure emptiness. I I lay there thinking. Hours go by, while being embraced by Dark.Time goes faster.yet slow. And It finally dawns on me."
there was a grammar error in this part, having two "I's in the sentence.
Hope you like the review and hope to read more of your work.
thank you! And yes, I do realize its a bit long, I may or may not have gotten a bit carried away. and thank you for letting me know about the grammar/typo mistake, I will fix that right now.
I will fight the dark!