Young Writers Society

I can't say that this is a short story, and neither can I say that this is a poem. I will judge it like I might judge a short story, but for the most part I will look at it as a poem.

Some mistakes:

-"It's like a weight weighs me down, " This isn't a major mistake, just a bit of preference. A weight that weighs me down sounds humorous in my mind. Perhaps try some other word to make it more powerful--an anchor that weighs me down, perhaps?

-"This is darkness. We know each other well." Hello darkness, my old friend... (not a mistake, I just wanted to sing that song)

-"Many know just as well as I, that he can take on many forms. Some I fear more than others." There's the comma in the middle of the first sentence that doesn't make too much sense to me. Why would you need it there in the first place? And also, the second sentence can be referring to the people who are familiar with the dark or the forms of darkness. It's ambiguous, so you might want to make it more specific.

-"People say light conkers dark." Conquers.

-"unlike light, you do not need to bargain for him to stay." unless comes after a period, so capitalize it.

-"Hours go by, while being embraced by Dark.Time goes faster.yet slow." Perhaps put a space between those periods, and capitalize Yet.

-"Once your to far gone." You're.

Actual Review:

Darkness gets a bad reputation, and I'm glad that someone is finally speaking up about it. Granted, it could use some work, but it's definitely something worth looking at. You sometimes capitalize Light and Dark, which is spectacular because it treats the two as characters to a story, but you're never consistent about these things--it'd be notable if you tried to capitalize all Lights and Darks if you do it more than once.

I feel like you could also mention how some people might be afraid of darkness because darkness represents the unknown, and yet how some people find comfort in that because its better than the harshness of light. Take use of those metaphors. Make it powerful and fun.

Overall, though, this was a very nice read, and a lovely addition to my library.

Signing out,

--EM.

Hey Haven !
I am confused if its a short story or a poem !
Though it was nicely pennedand emotions are carved pretty good.
I5w a common thing that people fear dark and unknown but I qm not one of them. It would be adventure for me.
Work up a little more on grammar part and you ll do great
Very interestingly penned.
Keep it up
Blessings !

Hello, this is Kman134 with a review for your work.

Let's say that this poem was was very long and looked more like a short story. However, it was pretty good with very eye-catching symbolism and themes.

"I fear him. Though, I do not fear him in the way others do. I do not fear his shadows. Because we only learn to fear when we know what not to fear. I freely gave that knowledge to him long ago."

We all fear the dark and we all fear the unknown; i like the symbolism behind that part where you anthropomorphized the element of darkness and how he appears as an anti-hero, feared, yet love. Though he appears evil, darkness can be sympathized with.

"I lay once again, surrounded by that cold, pure emptiness. I I lay there thinking. Hours go by, while being embraced by Dark.Time goes faster.yet slow. And It finally dawns on me."


there was a grammar error in this part, having two "I's in the sentence.

Hope you like the review and hope to read more of your work.

I will fight the dark!