z

Young Writers Society



Light

by HausOfDay


At dawn our hearts pushed
past our throats and fell 
into a wicker basket.
 
The sun bloomed, 
threw her light on the basket,
and our hearts began to glow.
 
With silver string we sewed
each to the other, plump with light,
our hands in some graceful dance. 
 
When we were done and each heart
was attached, we swallowed them
back down between our lungs.
 
Follow the silver heart string
and look for the light 
thumping from my chest.
 
In some way, I am with you.

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54 Reviews

Points: 5990
Reviews: 54

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Sun Feb 24, 2013 10:35 pm
silentpatronus wrote a review...



Howdy ☺

I’m going to review your work! ☺

First thing I’d say is beginning of a new line requires a capital letter. I won’t moan at you through it I’m just going to say it once. ☺


The sun bloomed,
threw her light on the basket,

Okay so I think you mean ‘through’ and there doesn’t need to be a comma after bloomed.

When we were done and each heart

It should be ‘we’re’ not ‘were’


Follow the silver heart string

Heartstring is one word.

This is a really cute poem!





you ever say spidgit finner unironically?
— FireEyes