Published January 11, 2012
Dirty thoughts strapped tight in my chest, heave
forward in a bellowing cough.
Swoop out of me like some black bird.
A kiss of clouds, swipe the sky with sharp light and belch out
the noise of deep drums, spilling from my lips
as I love you.
Try to brush the words off of your skin, and rub the scent
from the bed sheets.
Sweep them up like bread crumbs, swallow them back in a sticky
gulp. I choke and they re-appear in full form.
A thick, oil faced monster, in the shape of my ex-boyfriend.
I wish I had never said that.
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140,633 Literary Works • 673,570 Reviews
I honestly don't have any advice for this. The imagery was somewhat frightening, but I enjoyed that. I rarely feel uneasy while reading a poem.
You delivered a somewhat common message in a very creative way. The beginning pulled me in very quickly, and the ending seemed to settle nicely. The emotion wasn't as steady. I don't know if that was your intentions, but the mixed feelings were actually my favorite part. I hope you keep writing, and have a nice evening!