Young Writers Society

Hi Harry,

Mailice back again with a short review!

So I was a bit hasty with the previous part here, as the trio are just now starting to take the riddle apart a bit more and thus fall deeper into the plot. I think it's good that in this part we have now worked a little bit further to take the poem apart.

I have to say I was a bit confused here because in the last part it looked like they were about to head out there to the shopping mall, but it seems like they're not ready yet. At least that was my impression at the beginning because you didn't give much information about what something looks like or if there are many people. I think it's good if you just briefly describe what they see, maybe again to show a bit of Harry's character, how distracted they get, like at a video game shop or something. Later on, that's briefly shown well with Terry. In other words, it was a bit too brisk here.

But I like the way they continue to puzzle and slowly come up with an answer based on what they know. It doesn't seem extremely unbelievable, but comprehensible. I also briefly noticed here that "to say" was represented quite frequently here, and I think that it is not really good for a functioning "democracy of speech" if only one party is represented so frequently.

It was a good part. I like how we are progressing step by step and how you present it clearly.

Other points I noticed while reading:

"Of course. The home of many a tome, under the golden dome. They practically spelled it out for us. How did we not spot that?" said Terry.

So Terry already starts to get a “we”-feeling or is he just sarcastic?

Ignore the food Terry. There will be time for that later. It’s not like you haven't gone hungry before.

Someone seems to be hungry.

Have fun writing!

Mailice

Whoo, I’m back for 9.2! Ah and I wanted to quickly say thank you for all the replies to my reviews— they’re wonderfully encouraging and I really appreciate it!! ^-^ Okay, on to this review…

"Hmm...oh wait, that's a solid guess, " said Harry, suddenly looking very excited, "isn't there a domed ceiling in there?"

"Oh my God, yes, there is a dome," said Rose.

Here I feel like it might be a good place to bring up some previous adventure of Rose and Harry! Like maybe Rose could say something like, “Oh my God, yes, remember that time we went to that library for (something) mission and (something)? There’s definitely a dome…” I think that’d make it more interesting than simply having Rose agree with Harry, and it’d help emphasize their relationship at the same time. C:

Ignoring the delicious smell coming from there, Terry made his way through the glass doors of the library. Ignore the food Terry. There will be time for that later. It’s not like you haven't gone hungry before.

Wow, Terry has impressive dedication to be able to resist the temptation of pizza xD But I do hope the team’s able to grab a bite later; it’s probably not a good idea to solve riddles on an empty stomach!

He turned to see Harry and Rose make their way in, laughing about something or the other.

It sounds like Harry and Rose are having a good time with each other… that’s awesome for them, though I can’t help feeling a bit bad for Terry and how he’s being left out >.> I hope Terry’s able to get along better with them soon! ^^ team bonding~ :P

Okie, so that’s about it for this review… It seems like the team’s making good progress, and I’m excited to find out where the riddle takes them next! Have an amazing day/night!! =D

"I guess we were more worried about pizza, lands and plans, those all seemed important," said Harry.

"Oh my god, there it is again," said Rose.

"What?" asked Harry.

"Isn't there a pizza joint like right next to the actual library?" said Rose.

"Oh crap, of course," said Terry, "we definitely need to be inside that library."

It's like, Harry thinks it, and Rose says it ahahahahaha. From what I've seen of them, Harry is always thinking up the answers to a problem, and sometimes its unintentional, and Rose has to bright to light the fact that just figured it out.
LOVE IT.

Ignoring the delicious smell coming from there, Terry made his way through the glass doors of the library. Ignore the food Terry. There will be time for that later. It’s not like you haven't gone hungry before.

Hmmm so he's either spent so much time on a project, or a mission, and as result forgot to eat, or he's been starved before. But by whom?

"Hey, sorry almost got lost in the crowd," said Harry, looking like he was trying very hard to stifle a laugh.

"Sure, you can go with that," said Rose, also struggling to hold in a laugh.

Feels a bit redundant ^^
Aaand that concludes this review. I hope you found it helpful <333
BROUGHT TO YOU BY...

Happy Sunday! I'm sat out in the sunshine and this feels like the perfect way to spend my afternoon - with the escapades of Harry and Rose! We've also not had anything from Rose's PoV lately, so that would be nice to read again soon, especially seeing as it was her voice that started out the whole novel so I kind of feel more attached to her than to the rest of the characters <3

"I think that entire first stanza talks about this mall I guess...

Now you and I would call this a stanza, but would Rose? It's a term more for those familiar with poetry. She might well be, I just wanted to call this out in case

Terry smiled and turned to face them. "Lemme look at that verse again."

Terry's voice is very similar in style to Harry's - I'd like to see them a bit more differentiated to make for an interesting dynamic when you have the two of them together.

"Isn't there a pizza joint like right next to the actual library?" said Rose.

"Oh crap, of course," said Terry, "we definitely need to be inside that library."

Ah, how could they have missed that?!

Ignore the food Terry. There will be time for that later. It’s not like you haven't gone hungry before.

Wait, so were they starving him when keeping him captive? That doesn't seem very humane of them!

He turned to see Harry and Rose make their way in, laughing about something or the other.

"Hey, sorry almost got lost in the crowd," said Harry, looking like he was trying very hard to stifle a laugh.

"Sure, you can go with that," said Rose, also struggling to hold in a laugh.

Ooh ok this is interesting because it seems like something is happening with them, but because we're reading Terry's chapter we don't know what that is. It's a nice way of adding a kind of suspense and making the reader want to read on to know what went down!

Looking forward to finding out the secrets of the library!

~Icy