Andrew here for a review!
Overall this chapter was interesting, and it was nice to see Harry on the inside a bit more. I'd say, my biggest complaint is that it was rushed, and felt kinda bumpy in the way it handled the pacing. I feel like I'm reading something someone wrote on a time crunch.
But into specifics!
He only managed to drift in and out of sleep every hour or so. This continued until, after waking up for the fifth time, he decided it was time to get up and start the day. It was only a couple of hours until Wake Up and he knew subjecting himself to trying to get another hour of sleep would be pointless.
Clunky
It was just a bare room that had no furniture or anything of any sort
This sentence gives us the same piece of the information three times and could either be combined with another sentence or made more interesting by the addition of more detailed description, instead of just saying (It was just a bare room) nothing in room (that had no furniture) Nothing in room (or anything of any sort) still nothing in this room.
You can equate the emptiness if that's really important with some more metphorical language, like "The room was entirely empty, as if the family had taken they're decorating style from the vacume of space" - or something way better written from that terrible joke. But you get what I'm saying harry, you smart, so I'll stop repeating it XD
His father's room, as it nearly always was when Harry was free, was empty.
TBH I'd kinda just assumed harry's dad was dead, but this is defiantly an interesting discovery.
She must be awake or at least not asleep.
Those two things mean the same thing unless I'm missing some poetic beauty here XD
It took him almost two minutes of tiptoeing but soon he was gently pushing the door open
Two minutes? How massive is this room?
"Ohh...I was hoping for more," said Daisy, looking dissapointed. "You guys kept me in suspense for that."
Question for the author, why do you do that? I understand from the perspective of a reader I can't see the tensions your weaving until you are done, but why do you keep building up tension and suspense, for us and the characters to give us an anticlimax? Is it to build a feeling of disappointment so when the real payoff comes we are all the more surprised? Is it to communicate how disappointed our characters are on their day-to-day lives? Is it to avert our attention from something larger?
But that's just my two cents, hope it helped!
Thanks, and keep writing,
Andrew
Points: 34
Reviews: 178
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