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Young Writers Society


12+

Survival: The Escape, Chapter 4.3

by KateHardy


"Well, whatever is about to hit is definitely not cool, you know, with the giant fire and all,” Aria pointed out.

“Relax, sis. I don’t think that’s going to be hitting us. Although of course it's hard to tell where it might end up when it’s still so far up in the sky. That has to be falling from above the stratosphere at least. Some of that fire has to be from reentry, a 23rd century ship is not going to be flammable because of just an onboard fire,” said Harry.

“Yeah, from that high up, a tiny change in the wind can knock it like a mile in either direction,” said Daisy, nodding.

“All we can do is watch carefully,” said Harry,” if that thing does actually crash somewhere nearby we might actually get a chance to take a break from work today while they patch up whatever damage this thing causes.”

“I highly doubt we are going to get a break from work unless the ship somehow crashes into a part of the wall or something,” said Aria.

“Now that’s an idea right there. If only there was a way we could somehow rig that thing to crash on top of the wall,” said Harry.

Even Daisy had to roll her eyes at that one. Sometimes Harry went a bit overboard with the optimism.

“Harry, you can’t be serious. How can we possibly control that ship?” she said, just to see how he was going to respond. She was positive he'd only been joking earlier.

“I didn’t say we could. I said it would be nice if there was a way that we could do it,” said Harry.

"Right,” said Daisy,”good point.” She turned back towards the the sky. The flaming craft was getting ever close and now it was beginning to look bigger and bigger with each passing second.

“Do you think anyone is in that?” asked Aria.

“Let’s not think about that right now,” said Harry,” and try to think about whether or not we're going to have to dodge a flaming spaceship.”

“That should definitely be our top priority,” agreed Daisy.

“So we’re just going to totally neglect our work?” asked Aria.

Daisy and Harry both looked at her like she had gone crazy.

“I didn't realize how that sounded,” said Aria, smiling sheepishly.

The three of them returned to looking at the ship. As they watched, the ship made a sudden jerking motion like it had been slapped by an air current. The craft wobbled, the flames leaving a trail of zigzagging smoke as it swung about in the air. The entire craft was flung several hundred feet to the right and then suddenly a few feet left. It looked like some cosmic being was trying to hit a target as the ship was flung about.

The ship, now completely off its original course, continued its downward descent. It seemed to be accelerating as parts of it were burned off by the fire that was still raging around it. Daisy found herself unable to take her eyes off of it as it headed down towards the camp like a kinetic kill vehicle launched from a satellite.

She heard Harry next to her, muttering under his breath. He was probably still trying to identify what type of craft it was. As she watched with bated breath, a large chunk of metal flew off from the burning wreck, a giant shard of twisted metal flying through the air like the worlds biggest throwing knife.


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178 Reviews


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Sat Sep 25, 2021 7:12 pm
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MaybeAndrew wrote a review...



and I'm back
The reviews keep coming and they won't stop coming.
Overall, more excitement, more info about the object, so that's nice, characters continue to be good, all comments about me wanting to be able to be inside their heads continue as well. Also, a tiny bit clunky in places, but nothing that won't be fixed in editing.

“Yeah, from that high up, a tiny change in the wind can knock it like a mile in either direction,” said Daisy, nodding.

Daisy doesn't know the word deductive but does understand the psychics of space ships landing XD.
“Let’s not think about that right now,” said Harry,” and try to think about whether or not we're going to have to dodge a flaming spaceship.”

I'm glad to see Harry has his priorities in order
“I didn't realize how that sounded,” said Aria, smiling sheepishly.

Hehe, aria might be my favorite character, she feels the most complex and real. I'm excited to see her navigate her lack of hope about escape, love of rules.
But that's all just my two cents, hope it helps!
Thanks, and keep writing!
Andrew




KateHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!!

xD...Daisy's a surprising one sometimes :D



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Mon Sep 06, 2021 6:31 pm
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MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi HarryHardy,

Mailice back with another review! :D

Following on from the last chapter. Actually, it's good that I read them one after the other. :D I can only repeat here that you continue to bring in a very exciting atmosphere combined with humour, which I like very much. It gives this part a certain looseness and as already said, I feel chapter 4 more as the practice of the previous theory.

As your structure follows on seamlessly from the last part, I saw some interesting differences. Here, for example, the focus was more on Aria than Daisy, which I thought was a nice contrast. Harry continues to be the one who is full of wonder and amazement despite his optimism, which I think is a good switch from his sister and Daisy. Harry is very realistic and hopeful there, which I found funny here.

It was another very dynamic chapter with a loud bang at the end. Now I'm looking forward to seeing what happens next. Will they get a day off or will they go explore the spacecraft?

Other points that caught my eye:

"Well, whatever is about to hit is definitely not cool, you know, with the giant fire and all," Aria pointed out.

Aria's sense of humour can go a bit more in the one direction that is called "too obvious". I like that not everyone is an outright jokester but still tries their best.

"All we can do is watch carefully," said Harry," if that thing does actually crash somewhere nearby we might actually get a chance to take a break from work today while they patch up whatever damage this thing causes."

Harry is that student who always hopes that an experiment will go wrong in the chemistry classroom and the students will all be allowed to go home afterwards.

She turned back towards the sky.

One too many "the "s here. :D

a giant shard of twisted metal flying through the air like the worlds biggest throwing knife.

I like your description here at the end. It is special and good to imagine visually.



Have fun writing!

Mailice




KateHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!!!



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Mon Sep 06, 2021 5:18 pm
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ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...



Hey Harry! Forever here with a review!

Harry, you are a genius!(I mean the book character is). He actually doesn't have any flaws, I mean except minute ones which doesn't really count as flaws when it comes to a whole novel. For example, I am not counting the fact that he sleeps for long as a flaw. However, you have to give him a flaw, something major not very minor ones. A person can't be flawless. That will make him unrealistic. But it's too early to say, I think. We have a lot more to come. Till now, he seems to be a person who has knowledge of everything a person of his age is supposed to have and he is very intelligent. And also, though that might sound funny, his sudden loss of words which occurs sometimes can be a result of his extra intelligence. I really liked the fact how you created a contrast between Aria and Harry in many ways and still they are siblings.

The flaming craft was getting ever close and now it was beginning to look bigger and bigger with each passing second.

Even close, I think it will be.
As she watched with bated breath, a large chunk of metal flew off from the burning wreck, a giant shard of twisted metal flying through the air like the worlds biggest throwing knife.

You have gotta provide one or two breaks in this sentence. It's kind of a rushed sentence without proper breaks.

That's a serious question if there is anyone inside that spacecraft. Maybe there is someone- an Alien? However, there is not much probablity. Well, the ship is more of a pain to them than anything else. However, that ship has hope in it. A hope for survival for the whole human race. Also, I am not very sure if that spaceship belongs to the Aliens and also if that has landed on Earth in their own will. That's definitely a thing which I am interested about. The ship was being controlled by someone, no matter where the controller lives, maybe on Earth or some other planet.

I don't have much to say about this part. It didn't have many things in it but it contributed towards the suspect building.

Keep Writing!!

~Forever




KateHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!!!

Hmm, yup, definitely something I am keeping in mind. His flaws will come up soon enough, I hope. :D

Hmm, yeah this is...well you'll see ;)



KateHardy says...


this ship*



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Mon Sep 06, 2021 4:50 pm
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RandomTalks wrote a review...



Hey Harry!

RandomTalks here to leave a review!

This is going to be short, because well, the parts are short and it is mostly just dialogue. Also, I really do not want to bore you with my ramblings.

What I really liked about this chapter was how they simply stood there casually while they watched a huge ball of fire shooting across the sky and possibly towards them. They stood there engaged in peaceful discussion and as absurd as it felt, it brought a smile to my face. It is times like these that they are just teenagers. Harry's comment about deflecting the ball of fire so that it aimed at the top of the wall was genius and so much like 'Harry'. Daisy was not the only one who rolled her eyes at that. I really like how you reveal these small aspects of your characters' personalities through conversation.

It might be just me, but I thought this part was a little more detailed. There weren't a lot of descriptions, actually hardly any at all, but I thought you created a really cool visual at the ending. It was more expressive than your other descriptions.

Right now I am wondering what this ball of fire is and what it means for the humans. I am sure we are going to have to wait for a really long time before we get our answers, but it is going to be pretty interesting to find out!

That's all. Keep up the good work and have a great day!




KateHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!!!

Hmm, you might find out about this ball of fire sooner than you think ;)




Despite everything, it's still you.
— TobyFox