(Here is a This I Believe. A this I believe is a mini essay in which someone writes about things they believe in and why they believe in it. Awesome website as well... http://www.thisibelieve.com. As always, comments, ideas, and revisions are welcome! Thanks, Allison 
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Sometimes life can feel as though you are trapped underwater, but I believed, no matter what it takes, there are always ways to swim to the top. However, sometimes getting there may seem impossible, but taking a chance at the smallest opportunity you see might bring about a new light. To me, life’s a mystery with scattered pieces of the greater puzzle left silence in the unknown. These pieces, so to speak, are what make up a person’s life, but without discovering them all, how can know who they truly are? I believe in taking chances and allowing life’s’ path to lead me to the next threshold.
When someone or something is calling out to me, I am apt to take that chance to see where it could lead me. One thing I have learned is to never fall into life’s habits and never let go of my inner child. I have learned to always keep an open mind, be adventurous, and remain perpetually curious. Life may be one fantastic journey, but I learned to always pay close attention to my surroundings. By paying close attention to all the details, events, experiences, and memories, you could detect a part of yourself you never though would encounter. Quiet frankly, because I had answered “a call”, my life changed dramatically. I believe that inspiration can have the ability to help guide one throughout life.
The power of inspiration can be small to one, but enormous to another. Inspiration had swept me off my feet and dragged me back to the surface of the water. With each step I take, I learn more and more about myself. Through my eyes, I see a world of amazement in my own reality. With the help and guidance of others, I have found several pieces of myself that are no longer trapped within. There are many more “pieces” still in the “unknown”, but life’s journeys will never end. As many questions are asked, more thoughts are being created, several ideas are being formed, and new realities are being made. As for me, I hope to carry out the inspiration and help others along my path. I want to “share the gift” with them, be their “call to action”, and drag them back to the surface of the water so they are no longer trapped in the darkness of the sea.
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Thank you, Jet. I totally agree with the comments you've made and I can see your confusion. I wrote this last year and I definitely knew there were plenty of mistakes. Towards the end when I mentioned "carry out the inspiration" I was referring to Joseph Campbell's hero cycles, but it IS confusing to someone who is not familiar with some of his ideas. I should elaborate on that, thank you. AND yes, I really need to edit my use of tenses!!
Hi! I'll review your edited version, because there's always a few nitpicks that need picking up on.
Why is this is the past tense? Do you no longer believe it? I think you mean "believe".
I'm really confused as to what you mean by this sentence. It doesn't make sense, particularly the "left silence in the unknown" part. Even if you were to change "silence" to "silent", I'm still confused.
To the threshold of what? I think you need to link this with the idea of a door of opportunity or something.
I think you go a tad overboard on the vocabulary with the last part of this sentence. Consider rewording: you can find a part of yourself... You don't need to overcomplicate here.
This comes out of the blue, to be honest. For an essay, I'd try and establish a running theme throughout your piece; obviously you have the "I believe" concept, but develop that further and try to organise your thoughts. At the moment, it seems that we just have a stream of consciousness, which reads well but doesn't always make complete sense. The underwater theme is a possibility, and you do bring it to the fore again in the last paragraph, but it has no place in the second. The reader shouldn't be able to lose sight of it so easily.
I don't understand how you "carry out the inspiration". It's a bit of an awkward phrase. However, your ending is very pretty and ties the whole essay up nicely.
All in all, I'd focus on developing your thoughts through a constant theme rather than as they come to you. You're halfway there, so it just requires a bit of organisation. Think about what you're saying and how you're saying it, because occasionally the odd phrase is confusing or lacks impact. Other than that, this was a solid essay and very readable.
- Jet.
Sometimes life can feel as though you are trapped underwater, but I believed, no matter what it takes, there are always ways to swim to the top. However, sometimes getting there may seem impossible, but taking a chance at the smallest opportunity you see might bring about a new light. To me, life’s a mystery with scattered pieces of the greater puzzle left silence in the unknown. These pieces, so to speak, are what make up a person’s life, but without discovering them all, how can one know who they truly are? I believe in taking chances and allowing life’s path to lead me to the next threshold.
When someone or something is calling out to me, I am apt to take that chance to see where it could lead me. One thing I have learned is to never fall into life’s habits and never let go of my inner child. I have learned to always keep an open mind, be adventurous, and remain perpetually curious. Life may be one fantastic journey, but I learned to always pay close attention to my surroundings. By paying close attention to all the details, events, experiences, and memories, you could detect a part of yourself you never thought you would encounter. Quiet frankly, because I had answered “a call”, my life changed dramatically. I believe that inspiration can have the ability to help guide one throughout life.
The power of inspiration can be small to one, but enormous to another. Inspiration had swept me off my feet and dragged me back to the surface of the water. With each step I take, I learn more and more about myself. Through my eyes, I see a world of amazement in my own reality. With the help and guidance of others, I have found several pieces of myself that are no longer trapped within. There are many more “pieces” still in the “unknown”, but life’s journeys will never end. As many questions are asked, more thoughts are being created, several ideas are being formed, and new realities are being made. As for me, I hope to carry out the inspiration and help others along my path. I want to “share the gift” with them, be their “call to action”, and drag them back to the surface of the water so they are no longer trapped in the darkness of the sea.
Oh, thanks you guys
Elizabeth, I'll have to fix this, thank you.
Hey! I'm glad you posted this, I've been waiting for it
Here are a couple quick grammar mistakes that happened when you were typing this up:
The "you" is missing in between the two words.
Oops, two apostrophes here.
You forgot the 't' on 'thought' and left out the 'you' in between the words.
Ok, so besides that, I love this piece. It really makes me think and I like the imagery of being under water. I think life kinda is like that
Keep writing!
I actually like parts of this.
I wasn't sure to expect, but it was good.
~Retro Disco666