E.N.D the demon and the celestial princess | Prologue
Her eyes filled with unshod tears, threatening to fall with every painful passing second, as she gripped tighter to the taller man "No..."
Nothing could compare to that single ache; nothing, not even the loss of her dearly departed mother, nor when she learned of the betrayal within her ancestor line; they turned against the true nature of their magic. No... this was, by far, worse.
She could not let go — she refused. She couldn't... she wouldn't.
"Natsu... No..." The ragged sobs which escaped her seemingly frail body were enough to create turmoil within him. Was this right? No, was any of this even making sense?
How could he... of all people? Why him?
The war was very short—more like a battle, really—lasting only a minuscule amount of time, seemingly; everything was so restless, constant battles and collisions. Time had become rather absurd now and it was hard for every member of the guild to adjust. Now... after entering the war's climax (if it were still to be considered war), only one opponent remained. That...that would be Natsu's undoing.
He knew of this, he wished for it; to save his nakama[1], and yet he could not find it within himself to let go of the blonde beauty within his arms. Perhaps this was it, that one moment when you reach the end and you become wise—a foreign concept to the knuckle-headed dragon slayer.
Through out the years, she had been the one to follow him, to protect him (though it was most likely to be the other way around for the majority of the time), and to remind him that they were there for him, forever, because Fairy Tail were family and he did not need to be alone in that forest anymore; he did not need to search for his family... they would remain there, within his heart.
She was everything to him.
That was enough to arise the motivation within him. With a last lingering look at the blonde celestial mage, he released himself from her clutch—despite her rejection to it and struggle to reach him—and walked out of the makeshift base, away from the sobbing woman he loved, and towards his inevitable fate.
[1] Nakama = Comrade/friend
(This piece was inspired by Fairy tail [an anime] which has been very dear to me this past year, I've come to really enjoy anime and manga through it, and it's really made me open up to new characters. I've come to be so captivated by the relationship between two of the main characters, Natsu and Lucy, also the past and fate which connects them together. I decided to create a fan fiction about it, I'm not sure whether this will remain a one shot or whether i'll stretch it onto becoming a longer story, but I hope you enjoy reading it! And please leave a comment or review, thank you!)
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
Hi there, HarleySenpai! My name is Scarlett and I'll be reviewing you work today!
Inspired by Fairy Tail, huh? That's a pretty good anime. This should be interesting~ ^^
Okay, I'm going to be a little nitpick-y to start with, then I'll probably talk about other stuff, like flow and impression and whatnot.
I believe that should be "unshed", not "unshod".
"Through out" should be one word; "throughout". Also, this one really, really long sentence. You could probably break this up into two or three sentences. Here, I'll give it a go;
"Throughout the years, she had been the one to follow him, to protect him (though it was most likely to be the other way around for the majority of the time), and to remind him that they were there for him, forever, because Fairy Tail were family. He did not need to be alone in that forest anymore; he did not need to search for his family... they would remain there, within his heart."
Much better, right?
"Arise" is a really awkward word to use here. Perhaps try something else? Like "awaken" or "rouse"? I feel like one of these would work much better.
I like the really bittersweet ending you've left this on. Really tugs on the heartstrings. It's just very, very short. I feel like you could expand on this so much more. There's a lot of details missing, like their surroundings. What's the tent look like inside? You could also build up to this moment more. Maybe have her enter the tent and say "we need to talk"? Maybe have Natsu be evasive and dodge her questions? Maybe he's been avoiding her for a while? Give us a little more to go on. I know it's a prologue and those generally tend to be short, but you can't just drop us into a scene and except us to be okay with that all the time. XD You need to build up to it a little!
Aaand that's about all I have to say, so yeah. Remember; keep it up and never stop writing!
~Scarlett.
Hello
Thank you so much for reviewing my work! It's really appreciated. I agree with all that you've said, thank you for the insight! Actually when I wrote this sentence [Her eyes filled with unshod tears, threatening to fall with every painful passing second, as she gripped tighter to the taller man "No..."] I had said "Unshed" but it was auto-correcting me, so me being myself thought I got it wrong and decided to choose what it said :3
Thank you for correcting me.
Yes, I get where you're coming from when you say that it was short, however this is just a small brief insight into the novel (if it will even become that. Even although it is a prologue, I was just going to call this a 'one shot' because I'm not sure whether to finish it) and some prologues are pretty short anyway. I felt that this was enough to at least give the reader enough knowledge of what was happening. Also, I get what you mean about detail, perhaps I could have added more. Again though, it was just a small scene between these two characters, I didn't feel like going into too much detail was necessary.
Thank you for your review!
You're welcome! And yeah, autocorrect isn't always right! I don't know why it tries to change it to "unshod", ugh. XD I'm glad I could help!
Haha Yes I see now, No more trusting autocorrect! XD Thank you so much, it was really helpful!
I'm not familiar with it, may I ask what it's from?
Also, I see you have an anime picture!
It's from RWBY, a show made by Roosterteeth. You should totally check it out. It's good!
Oh I've heard of RWBY! I've been meaning to look it up. It looks interesting. I'll check it out soon
This is going to be a rather short review as this story is rather short, but I'm Yams here for a review on Review Day!
My first problem with this is that you use a lot of "..." which is alright when you don't use too much of it, but in here it's every two or three sentences and it gets annoying. There are other ways that you can show your characters are in pain or that they trailed off. It just gets repetitive when you do that over and over again.
You don't even really describe the battle. You only talk about it for a few seconds and then move on it seems. It'd be better if you showed the battle like show don't tell and showed the battle and described it. It would give it a lot more character than just having your main character talk about everything.
There wasn't much here, so that's all I have to say, have a great day!
Hello,
Yes, I guess I can see that maybe I have used to many ellipses (...), but personally I feel like I've used the right amount, to create suspense and emotional tension within this prologue. Also I feel like they're spaced out in an acceptable order that allows the reader to read this with a comfortable flow, but I really accept your judgement, thank you!
The battle in this scene is not the main objective, therefore I don't go into too much detail. The prologue, after all, is an extract from a later chapter (hopefully) between both main characters and is an emotional scene, hence the battle is not the main concern, it was not relevant at this point.
Thank you for your review!
Yo Harley senpai sorry I wasn't the first person to comment/review your first work. So this work is kinda hard for me to get into no offense but it kinda doesn't feel right to me but it's good for your first work.
Hey Spartan!
Sorry it didn't appeal to you.
It's fine, thanks for taking the time to comment on it though, I really appreciate it. Don't worry, I'm not offended, I understand. It isn't for everyone! And it is fan fiction after all and a prologue, so this is only a small extract of a moment within the story. I'm kind of a fan for angst, and sob-stories within characters and their emotions, so this is what I wrote!
Thank you so much!
That's ok and I have read the whole fairy tail series in a week and watched the whole series the next so it's kinda hard for me to do fan fiction after reading something.
Oh! You're a fan of fairy tail? Awesome!
It's my favorite anime and Manga series. Oh, so you aren't a fan of fan fiction? I'm not big on fan fiction, I've dabbled in it before on my other E-book community website (wattpad), but I never really had the motivation to finish it, because sometimes I felt it would be better to create my own characters, but this story I haven't really tried before. I actually feel really positive about writing this. Sorry that you did not enjoy it, but thank you for still commenting 
Oh my god you get it you get it like I have seen some where they needed a fan fiction but wasn't one and I tried rewriting it and was worse but maybe you could make a different series better cause fairy tail was made so fan fiction wasn't a possibility and yes they did support they idea but it was too good.
But yes it's good and you need to keep writing this I think others will be impressed
Yeah, some people who write fan fiction don't really make it work. I think that's down to lack of connection. To truly succeed in a piece of fan fiction, to be able to recreate something, you need to have the ability to connect with that story, or thing. I would say for fairy tail, you need to seriously understand it's story and background, its characters and their personalities and also the meaning behind the whole story, which I feel I really have (Natsu and Lucy aren't officially together though, but they definitely like each other! It's obvious.).
I'm so happy. Okay! I shall try my best.
Thank you for saying it's good!
Um I was pretty sure the last volume ever created for fairy tail they had their wedding and that's how they ended it if I remember correctly.
...no. That never happened
Haha. From the anime and obviously manga, it got to the Tartaros arc, where the demons from the books of Zeref try to basically destroy the magic from the continent with the use of face (created by the magic council) but are then pursued by Fairy tail. They fight the demons and after a long and hard battle they finally defeat all of them, except Zeref (who reveals himself to Natsu) who then leaves with the book of the strongest demon, E.N.D, and the dragon of destruction Acnologia also interferes but leaves after killing Igneel. A lot more happens. After that, fairy tail disbanded and then there are a few short chapters for after a year of fairy tail disbanding, where Natsu returns (he also didn't know that FT disbanded) and finds lucy, where he finds out and they begin searching for their old guild members. Then it goes onto the Avatar Arc, avatar is a dark guild that practically worships Zeref, gray infiltrates it, and natsu, lucy and happy go to get him. I think that arc was pretty short, there were only a few chapters. Then now it's the Alverez arc, which has been pretty lengthy, just like the tartaros arc. This one still isn't finished and I don't think it will be for a while, there's still so many enemies to defeat and a lot of things to happen... but I won't spoil that 
There was never a last volume ever created for fairy tail, it's still ongoing, and I think it might be for a while. Nope, Natsu is too dense to realise that he likes Lucy, which is kind of obvious that he does, I think Lucy realises that she likes him though. (You need to read fairy tail chapter 489.5, it's hilarious. Natsu basically becomes attracted to lucy, but it's funny how the manga author shows it! XD) but I might know why you're confused. On one of the volume covers (which was for an omake) there was wendy wearing a wedding dress, but it wasn't Lucy.
Then you're not up to date with fairy tail then cause they started writing it again in 2014 like the company who started fairy tail put it aside when Japan got hit with that tsunami a few years ago to help repair their company that's why I know they did get together.
It's either Lucy and nasty or a different couple I can't find my manga right now I haven't read it in a while and my subscription ended a couple months so I am lost and you're probably right but I am so forgetful so don't mind me rambling right now and nvm my last comment
Hey.
Trust me, I am. I read it online every week when a new chapter is released. I'm not sure why there was a Haitus on the manga, I know there was on the anime, because of the switching in anime studios and the fact that the anime had caught up to the manga. (btw fairy tail wasn't invented by a company, it was all from the manga artist Hiro Mashima) Nope, they aren't together, I promise. You might need to search it up, maybe look through the internet (fairy tail wiki is good) it'll tell you the whole story, from the beginning to where it is in the manga. Maybe you mean Gajeel and Levy? In the past few chapters, it has come out that they both have feelings for each other, but they didn't become a couple, because Gajeel "dies" (sorry spoiler) Oh if you read manga online, you should use Mangafox, or Kissmanga. Those are pretty good websites. They upload the chapter on the day of release, so you won't miss any of it. It's fine 
I forget so much stuff that happens in TV shows and anime all the time, so I need to have people remind me. Hehe :3
Yes those two I was so focused on the fan fiction that I got confused. I use manga here.co works good but have to refresh page constantly
Oh hehe, sorry XD Oh, I'm not sure of that sight. If you really do need to keep refreshing then I suggest using either of the sights I mentioned (mangafox or kissmanga) they never crash, atleast never when I've used them, so they're good options
I've tried they don't work for my tablet
Oh, too bad. If you have another device maybe use that, they both work fine on laptops/Computers.
Yea but I've used them before and didn't like the selection and I am more of a non main stream person
Yeah me too!
Fairy Tail isn't as mainstream as say Naruto, etc, but it's still pretty popular I guess. I read stuff like Akatsuki No Yona and Owari No Seraph on both sites, they actually have a pretty good selection, you just need to search for what you want 
Oh search of the end read and watched not bad but could be better in my books and hey I am writing the second part to chapter one was wondering if you could read over it for me
Seraph of the end* Yeah, I suppose. I'm a really big fan of owari no seraph/seraph of the end. I really liked the manga. The art work was very high quality too but I understand that the story itself might not be for everyone.
Sure, I'll take a look at it soon!
Wait let's pm each other cause this comment section is huge now
Yup! XP Haha. Maybe we should do that.
Yea and I have already started that
started what?
The private messages
Oh sorry
That's ok and reply to my message
I can't find it...
There should be a bar at the top with the word messages on it
Oh yeah, there is, but it doesn't say I have any messages... I'm not sure why.
Hmm I know I sent you a message unless you deleted them or something
I've never watched anime or read any novels of it but I really like what you've written here. I like how you've used description in this prologue, allowing the plot to seem rather dramatic through his "inevitable fate" and the emotions that the characters feel. I also admire your use of lots of ellipsis, because that also has the effect of building suspense and building tension. I think this is a really good bit of writing and look forward to reading the next one - well done- keep it up !
Hello, thank you so much for taking the time to review this, I really appreciate it!
Thank you! I'm glad you liked it, I have been think about writing this for a while so I was so excited to release and publish it. Yes, I had been aiming to make this an angst/emotional fan fiction (though I'm not sure if I will be continuing this yet) about the character and the theme of the original story. Thank you so much for noticing, I'm glad my work was able to express that!
Yes, I hope to continue writing this! Thank you~