Memories: Prologue

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

I felt the warm sandy soil beneath my fingers and opened my eyes. The blue sky stared back. The sun was at its peak, dazzling me as I sat up and looked around with hazy eyes. Wasteland. All I could see for miles and miles in front of me was pale brown ground, cracked open like parched lips, occasionally dotted with tufts of brown stringy grass. Behind me, the earth has been torn open leaving a gaping impassable ravine that extended from east to west as far as my blurry eyes could see. On the horizon lay what looked like ruins, squatting there like the husk of some giant insect. I could just make out several tall skyscrapers, surrounded by the grey sprawling mass of the buildings lower down.

A harsh cry sounded in the dusty air and I looked up to see what looked like large black birds wheeling in the sky above me like messengers of ill omen. I shivered despite the baking heat and slumped down to the ground in utter despair. Here I was, in the middle of a strange deserted plain and that wasn’t even the worst of it. I couldn’t even remember my own name. I couldn’t remember where I came from, how I got here or where I was. There was only one thing I knew for definite and that was I was hopelessly and desperately lost.

I put my head between the knees of the worn jeans I was wearing and sat in the gritty sand fighting off a wave of despair when I noticed something glinting in the light of the sun. It was a length of chain with an engraved tag on the end hanging out of my jacket pocket. Quickly I scrambled up and grabbed the tag reading the faded engraving etched onto its shining surface. It read “NO. 6892576, Sector 194”. Something stirred in the back of my mind, like bear slowly awakening after hibernation.

All of a sudden, a searing pain tore through my skull, pictures flashing like sirens before my eyes, a whitewashed room, a smiling woman dressed in white, men with faces as rough as rock standing in line. As soon as it had come, the burning pain faded yet the world still span around me. Those words had obviously meant something to me and I had to find out what. There was no real choice in the matter, I had no other link to my life before now and I couldn’t sit around feeling sorry for myself. With new found resolution, I pulled myself up and began walking slowly across the barren wastes.

Thank you for all the advice and reviews. I really appreciate it

Hello! I thought this was a truly interesting piece of work. I'm gonna do my best to express my feelings on this. In a very pretty blue color.

I felt the warm sandy soil beneath my fingers and opened my eyes.Good imagery for the first sentence of your story. The blue sky stared back. The sun was at it's peak, dazzling me as I sat up and looked around with hazy eyes. Wasteland. All I could see for miles and miles in front of me was pale brown ground, cracked open like parched lips,Amazing comparison, I really like it because it forms a picture in my mind.occasionally dotted with tufts of brown stringy grass. Behind me, the earth has been torn open leaving a gaping impassable ravine that extended from east to west as far as my blurry eyes could see. On the horizon lay what looked like ruins, squatting there like the husk of some giant insect.Again, more imagery and comparison are awesome. Love it. I could just make out several tall skyscrapers, surrounded by the grey sprawling mass of the buildings lower down.



A harsh cry sounded in the dusty air and I looked up to see what looked like large black birds wheeling in the sky above me like messengers ofan ill omen. I shivered despite the baking heat and slumped down to the ground in utter despair. Here I was, in the middle of a strange deserted plain and that wasn’t even the worst of it. I couldn’t even remember my own name. I couldn’t remember where I came from, how I got here or where I was. There was only one thing I knew for definite and that was I was hopelessly and desperately lost. Intense and thought-provoking for the reader. Well done.



I put my head between the knees of the worn jeans I was wearing and sat in the gritty sand fighting off a wave of despair when I noticed something glinting in the light of the sun. It was a length of chain with an engraved tag on the end hanging out of my jacket pocket. Quickly I scrambled up and grabbed the tag reading the faded engraving etched onto its shining surface. It read “NO. 6892576, Sector 194”. Something stirred in the back of my mind, like bear slowly awakening after hibernation. Another perfect way to end a paragraph. :]



All of a sudden, a searing pain tore through my skull, pictures flashing like sirens before my eyes. A whitewashed room, a smiling woman dressed in white, men with faces as rough as rock standing in line appeared in my mind.(Just a suggestion) As soon as it had come, the burning pain faded, yet the worldwas still spinning around me.Reads better. Those words had obviously meant something to me and I had to find out what. There was no real choice in the matter, I had no other link to my life before now and I couldn’t sit around feeling sorry for myself. With new found resolution, I pulled myself up and began walking slowly across the barren wastes.Awesome way to end!

OHH!!! This is shiney! Keep writing! I like this story alot. You have amazing details and I'm no grammer queen, so if there are any mistakes, you won't hear any complaints from me! especialy since this is so exciting. Keep at it, I cannot wait to read more!!

Peace
~*~fairygirl~*~

You have grabbed my interest. I think that's something all authors like to hear right? Any way, I feel you can really expand on this which is good, but I do have one problem with it. This doesn't seem so much like a prologue as it does a beginning to a chapter. When you decide what to write next I say you take this as the beginning of chapter 1 and continue with it.

I would also like to quickly note that yes I agree with Classy on the show don't tell aspect. Don't worry I have the same problem from time to time.

Let me know when you post something else. As I said you peaked my interest.

~Spades

There is some incredible description going on here. The best I've read in a while, actually. The scene was very clear, thank you for that! I really think you should keep writing this. I really, really want to see what happens.
Post more soon!

I definitely find this intriguing. I think you do have something here, and I strongly urge you to continue. Mostly because leaving me with this is not leaving me with a story at all. And I think before I can fully analyze this, I need to see some plot, first.

Something stirred in the back of my mind, like bear slowly awakening after hibernation.