One day the darkness will come,
cover all, consume all.
They will be gone and I will be happy.
I too will be gone,
a small price to pay,
to hear them scream,
to see the squirm,
to hear them suffer.
Even as the red men poke and prod me,
ripping me in two,
I shall be laughing.
It isn't exactly how I wrote it, it is at home. I dunno if you guys like it, most people saw it as evil. I guess it is in a way, but I was really upset and angry, my first real poem, written from the heart. Please, what do you think?
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
This is pretty decent. You could tweak it a bit and maybe add a few more stanzas.
Just keep at it!
For a first poem...
It shows a level of workability, I suppose.
I suggest this:
Read. A lot.
of poems, that is.
I'm constantly reading, and thus constantly learning, new things.
I would reccomend the same
But keep writing, I'll keep reading.