Demonic revenge

by Halokinz

Published May 16, 2007

One day the darkness will come,
cover all, consume all.
They will be gone and I will be happy.
I too will be gone,
a small price to pay,
to hear them scream,
to see the squirm,
to hear them suffer.
Even as the red men poke and prod me,
ripping me in two,
I shall be laughing.

It isn't exactly how I wrote it, it is at home. I dunno if you guys like it, most people saw it as evil. I guess it is in a way, but I was really upset and angry, my first real poem, written from the heart. Please, what do you think?

Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
plumalicious
Comment
plumalicious commented Comment · May 18, 2007

This is pretty decent. You could tweak it a bit and maybe add a few more stanzas.
Just keep at it! :D

User avatar
whence
Review
whence wrote a review Review · May 17, 2007

For a first poem...

It shows a level of workability, I suppose.

I suggest this:
Read. A lot.
of poems, that is.

I'm constantly reading, and thus constantly learning, new things.

I would reccomend the same :)

But keep writing, I'll keep reading.



People say I love you all the time - when they say, ‘take an umbrella, it’s raining,’ or ‘hurry back,’ or even ‘watch out, you’ll break your neck.’ There are hundreds of ways of wording it - you just have to listen for it, my dear.
— John Patrick, The Curious Savage