Published January 10, 2008
Could you hear the voice of the winter?
I said it loud from my heart that wither
The confession to love you forever
Frozen by the cold of snowy november
This is the truth that would never told
A same old words, as a poem that unfold
The part inside, I would never sold
For walking through the mist of cold
In what the future path may hold
If you allow me to loving you
Then I’d told these words to you
-29 Nov 2007-
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140,859 Literary Works • 673,695 Reviews
I got a little board in it and I don't no why?
There was the occasional grammar mistakes and somethings had wrong tenses but the whole thing in total was just really boring.
I can be harsh sometimes but take all the reviewers advice....where all here to help you.
next time you make something like that, you should make it make something more interesting.
But I can see you put a lot of hard work in it and that deserves and award by itself.
-lulu_daisy_101
I understand you are from another culture, but you get your plurals and things like that wrong. Besides that, I really really like your poem. It's powerful, unique and beautiful. And we all love unique, don't we?
-Holly
I thought it was very pretty.
I agree, this poem is very beautiful.
The flow of the poem seems good overall, but is compromised by the grammatical tense errors. The errors disrupt the poem's rhythm.
The rhyme scheme was good--no lines seemed to be forced.
Keep on writing!
Quite the lovely poem. I particularly love the rhyme scheme that's handled quite well, since many poets will just find random words for the sake of a rhyme but yours made a steady flow.
My particular favorite was the first verse, since there was something nostalgic I liked about it. And just another note to work on the tenses and grammer, but aside from that it was very good.
Hello welcome to the site!
I thought your english was pretty good. The poem was wonderful, especially the ending. I'll make corrections as needed:
Could you hear the voice of the winter?
I said it loud from my heart that withers
**These two lines confuse me compared to the rest of the poem. They're beautiful words but what's their meaning?
The confession to love you for forever
Frozen by the cold of snowy november
**I really like these two lines. My favorite next to the last two lines.
This is the truth that would never be told
The same old words, from which a poem unfolds
The part inside, I would never have sold
For walking through the mist of cold
In what the future path may hold
**I like how all the words rhyme in this. Altogether you don't have a constant rhythym in this, it's all kind of mixed together. It works.
If you would have allowed me to love you
Then I could have told these words to you
**:) Again, love the ending.
That was all. Great job! PM me if you have any questions or need help with something!
Keep it up!
~Rieda
i thought it was pretty good except ,and i suck at spelling and grammar, you occasionally use the wrong tenses. but it was pretty good
i see
i should work on my english...
thank you Kyte, i appreciate it!
Hi, and welcome to the site.
There were a few errors in tense here, but overalll a good poem.
Should be, " If you all me to love you, then I'd tell these words to you."