Can you imagine how great it would be to forget? Putting it all behind and act like we never met? But sadly it isn’t that simple. I keep remembering that smile and those sweet dimples. But when I think about that I think about the hurt. How can you be so cruel and treat me like dirt. We kissed, we held hands, and I told you my secrets. But I guess it meant nothing if you couldn’t keep it. You walked right past me without even a glance. And I ignored it and smiled as if it was part of the plan. You felt nothing and I felt it all. And I hate you for playing with me like I was some doll. Who are you to hurt me so deep? I mean how could you play those tricks and leave me so weak. I know you don’t care, why would you? You’re no prince charming, if so I hadn’t the slightest clue. You have no idea how much I felt. How many times my heart broke and it couldn’t be helped. Every time I saw you my heart leapt. And when I see you my words melt. Should I say something? But then I remember I’m nothing. No one to you. No one important. You’re feeling for me remain dormant. Never heard of, not truthfully spoken. While I lay in the gutter you mutter sweet nothings. And when you look over at me I can’t seem to do anything. I know I should hate you? But all I seem to wanna to do is date you. Mate with you. Make you mine for all times. You’ve done it now. Is this some kind of sick game? Making all the girls fall for your irresistible fame? Then, well done game over. But with your four leafed clover luck when is it ever over? There is no moving on with you. You either get played or his nothing #2. Which is basically the same thing when you think about it. But who has time to think when his lips have mine zipped? I hate cupid for doing this. When you get the first target make sure the second isn’t a miss. No matter where I am all I think of is you. From Spain to Peru it’s only ever been you. Why do we always seem to fall so hard? Especially for the bad ones who leave your heart in shards. Was it love? Or did I imagine it? Because I’m pretty sure I just experienced a run and hit. Hit and run? To you it’s only ever been ‘Just fun’. But when it’s no longer fun and games you’re always on the run. Like if you disappeared for a few days your deeds will be undone. Well, I hate to inform you that you got it all wrong. Your actions will stay for years to come. There is no ‘So long’ in these types of scenarios. What you end up with is tears and a big bowl of cheerios. But I’m all rock apparently. So this pain is unheard of to mean ol’ me. I’m tough and I put up with stuff. I have no emotions I’m just going through the motions. I shed no tears I’m made up of sneers. I’m obsessed with scary movies and people wish they knew me. I’m as hard as stone in an unbreakable zone. But even people like me have issues. Wishing and wishing that one day he’ll say ‘I miss you’. But he’d have to get pass ‘hi’ to be even close to that level. But like I said he’s a devil so push me into a hole and start to shovel. There is no happily ever after for people like me. Instead were always hoping, and wishing, and praying our dreams were reality. But instead we get nightmares and guys who don’t care. Not even to spare you a greeting and act like they were just leaving when you stroll in beaming. Remembering the good time and how you seemed to always shine. But in a world with guys like him someone would have to walk a mile to see the tiniest bit of a long lost beautiful smile. How can you magically wake up and decide I’m no longer priority. How can you just put me aside as one of you casualties? I hate you, you know? But I love you all the same. It’s been hard for me to admit but I’m done with your tricks. I lost all hope and I’m not gonna sit here and mope. So don’t act like you care because I know you don’t.” You just wanna get rid of me and display your fake sympathy. Well I don’t want it, take it back. Your pity love had me of track. I refuse to be another paper in the stack. Or a forgotten book on your endless rack. I’m done being your charity case so get out my face with “You have to understand, I was just going through a phase.” Well phase over! You don’t get to leave me alone. You can’t just decide when you’re done. You can’t just walk away after you wrung me from my all and left me hung. God, how I hate you! I hate the very sight of you. You have no right to be conceited. Everything you say you never mean it! I’m done with your lies so do me a favor and go jump off a bridge and die. You never deserved me, especially after you threw me to the curb. If life was the purge you’d be the first on my list. I’d love for you to connect your face with my fist. And no I’m not just blowing off steams. If only I could keep your image out of my dreams. I would rip out my heart and hand it to you on a silver platter. Just to lie to your face and say you never mattered. How would feel then? You would be in my play pen. You don’t make the rules I do. So one look at your face and I’d say “Shoo”. Would you hurt like I did? Would you ultimately feel like dirt? When someone else made me smile, would you throw yourself in to the Nile? No, I wouldn’t pity you. I’d laugh and say I never knew you. If the tables were turned you’d be my little peasant. Just the thought makes me feel oh so pleasant.
But sadly to say I wouldn’t bestow that on you. If I could I wouldn’t even if your pain was due. I’m telling you it’s unbearable. You wouldn’t even be the slightest bit capable. So I’ll take it all for now. I wouldn’t want you to feel so foul. It’s horrible I’m telling you. It’s the kind of pain you wish you never knew. It’s completely unforgettable. Not even compatible. So I’ll take it for now and go through the heavy trials. Don’t date a girl and later trash her. Just do me a favor and give that girl a Happy Ever After. I’ll shed the tears for the both of us. And somewhere in my heart I’ll wish… You Learn. To. Trust.
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125,011 Literary Works • 672,841 Reviews
I've always wanted to un-know people, that would be awesome but still maybe the painful memories that remain are a gift of existence.
I can totally relate to you with on this concept. Overall, I couldn't tell if this was a poem, lyrical, or some sort of rhyming short story. It was extremely difficult to determine because of the lack of spacing. It is paragraphed like a short story; however, it rhymes like a poem. If this is truly a poem, I would definitely break up the stanzas to emphasize not only the rhyme, but also your intended meaning.
If you were trying to make a point and present the poem as a sort of catharsis, this is an interesting style. I was very lost in some places because of the lack of spaces... there were many run on sentences and many fragments. I would suggest going back to the drawing board and working on sentence structure if this is intended to be a short story. If it intended to be a poem, just break up the paragraphs and you don't need to worry about punctuation so much.
When you do edit it, look for the places in which there is no rhyming. In the beginning there are a substantial amount of rhymes but towards the middle you start to lose it. I would consider this as well.
I'm not sure how much writing experience you have, and I am certainly no expert. Please do not take my comments to heart. You seem to have the general idea of poetry and show potential.
Keep writing.
Hi! This will be a very quick review because I just want to help you on one thing: paragraphs. A new thought = a new line. If you need help with it just google 'paragraphing' and you'll find lots of good explanations.
It's important to split up big bits of writing so that the reader can keep track of where they're up to.
Apart from that, I found it interesting and I feel that you portrayed your emotions very, [i[very[/i] well. I certainly hope that you'll keep writing!
Wow.. well done. I don't know how real or not this is for you, but it's pretty real for me. Had a guy, got really close, he backed off, he betrayed me, then berated me, called it "my fault," ignored me, and now I'm thinking I might be starting to fall for him again. Anyway, that's my problem, but, the way you wrote this described that kind of raw emotion, and I couldn't have done it any better myself. No, don't worry about me, I've forgiven him. It was a life experience, and somehow you've seemed to have capture that feeling in your work. It was amazing to read.
However, that's is just my opinion, take it or leave it. I also think that, with all the effort you've put into the first huge paragraph that I talked about, your ending is a little lacking. Granted, it's simple, and the end thought is good, but I think you could give your character more personality there. As in, you could break off from that huge paragraph and jump to a present situation where she's sitting at her desk typing her insides out, (her feelings I mean) or she was trying to do homework, but just sat there for awhile with a clenched fist thinking about how it'll be all she can do to get over thir, to forgive him and move on. (Sorry, that's a really long sentence. XD) It's up to you, but I think this can be improved. All right, I'm done nitpicking, sorry:) ~Cynder out.~If I could nitpick, maybe give a little more structure to this thing? Just separate that huge paragraph into smaller ones, and make sure not to jump from one idea to another and back to the other again. That little bit of structure will make it slightly more professional and give it more of an edge. At the end do you mean "You'll?" Even so, I think you should change it a little to have more of an impact
Enjoy!