Published July 22, 2010
Looking in the mirror,
beauty grabs the eyes.
Looking in the heart,
she dies inside; uncapable lips speak only lies.
unstrustworthy smiles to gaurd the truth,
while eager hands reach out to you.
A trained mind only now faulters,
and as she reaches an end,
no on can stop her.
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139,503 Literary Works • 672,590 Reviews
Hello,
This is a great poem!
I like how you but the idea that you can be beautiful outside but horrid on the inside, I have a few suggestions though...
I think it may read smoother if you make "incapable lips speak only lies." into another line...
Over all I loved the poem:)
Hiya Hailyanniful. I agree with Samiam. This poem means a lot. Good job!
Well, I found one problem.
You left the "e" out. But that's it. C'ya!
~Ladypurple.
Hey hailey,
I can't say this touched me as much as it did other reviewers, mostly because of your reliance on overworn phrases. Plus, I've reviewed about 40 poems today and at least 5 of them have included a girl looking in the mirror (I mean, I know girls look in the mirror a lot, but srsly, is that all they do??) and it gets tiresome. Mirrors don't tell you everything about a person. The whole mirror metaphor is boring, actually. Why not look in a puddle? A gutter? A pond?
Uncapable should be incapable, unstrustworthy should be untrustworthy, gaurd should be guard. Please spell-check before posting!
You also need, well, just more in your poem. There's barely enough here to sustain the short amount you have (at least you haven't stretched it out to nine stanzas as some are keen to.) Look past the mirror, there's many more objects in the world of more fascination than something which reflects light.
Good luck.
wow..
Its funny how so little words can mean so much when you put them together haha.
i honestly know what its like to be the girl in this poem.
congratulations on writing something so moving!
Speechless. This poem really spoke to me. Besides the "e" deal, It's close to perfect. Good flow, beautiful words. I really enjoyed. I hope you keep writing more. =) Great job.
Thank you. And yes, you're correct, I did leave out an "e". But the person in the poem is me.
I think you forgot an "e" at the end of one in the last stanza. xD I really liked this poem! I didn't find anything wrong with it, but I have a question? Is the narrator in the poem you, or someone else?
Hey,
I shall be your reviewer.
I think this is a truly excellent poem.
I like how the length of each sentence kinda gets longer as if she spends more time looking in a mirror. Like she is obsessing, and then you get the the length of each sentence gets shorter, as if she is suicidal. Very effective and very good.
I don't think some of the commas are in the right place, like after truth. But I am not the best at reviewing that stuff.
I am going to like this poem, which I rarely do. Keep it up.
PM for anything.
~Retro Disco666