Published April 6, 2010
Another poem, another line, again she goes on pretending she's fine. Another hour, another day, wishing these feelings would go away. Another heart break, another tear, another excuse she can't stand to hear. Another paper, another pen, hoping this won't happen again. Another story, his stupid lies, another night that she will cry. Another forced smile, another song; another days past slowly gone.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,503 Literary Works • 672,590 Reviews
I like this poem. I like the words. But it reads like a paragraph, I think that if you format it like a poem it will read more like a poem...
you know like
seems better to me...
I like that the poem flows good. You repeat "another" at the beginning of most of your lines, in some works all this does is overwhelm the reader, but the repetition works well in this write! Good job!!:)
Hey, Hailey! I really like the idea of this poem, its so true--I can relate, somewhat, I'm sure we all can! Why, its about a writer!
However, I'm here to review, and here is what I noticed:
It would fit so much better, and be so much more superb if only you'd write it in poetic form, in stanzas instead of a paragraph.
I really liked the flow of the whole poem--until the last part "another days past slowly gone". It sounds so weird to me, so off, like it doesn't belong!
Maybe something like "another day passed, slowly, now gone."
Awesome job though. It's very...ideal. I like it a lot. Nice job.
Toodles!
-Mizz
I really like this poem, it is written about a writer. A great point of view! I only suggest you try to put it into lines instead of the paragraph, because of the rhymes I think it would to well put into lines and possibly verses.