Young Writers Society

Hi(for the fifth time today), I really, really liked the chapter and I want to know what's next so badly! I really liked Maria and I would like to see more of her, and I have a feeling we will (I may be wrong this is your story after all). But I do think Maria seemed to participate a lot to the story so it will be strange if she turns out to be not that important. I also find that Cody is more and more an odd child. He is Only six and he found more interesting a book that has about 100 pages and is capable of reading it. He seems to act like a normal child, asking a lot of questions and being direct and have a great imagination (he believes that Wanton is a spy and in the chapters before he asked somebody he just met for hot chocolate) but I don't think he is just that normal... I can't wait for the next chapter! Have a great day!

Another good chapter!
This kind of wrapped up the whole "bomb section" of the story. Now I'm guessing we'll move on to something else. I'm curious as to whether we'll see Maria again. (I hope we will, she's my favorite.)

A few wording things:
In the very beginning of the chapter, you said that Wenton "averted his eyes". Just a couple paragraphs later, you used the same word for Maria. Since "averted" is a somewhat unusual word, It stood out to me that you used it twice in a very short time. It just seemed a bit repetitive. If I were you, I would eliminate the second "averted", especially since Maria fiddling with her clothes already implies awkwardness. Since you already showed it, you don't need to tell it.

"“It’s alright, no bomb this time,” Wenton choked out a laugh, you could tell that his voice was not use to the sound." In this sentence, I thought it would be nice to describe how you could tell that he didn't laugh often, instead of just saying it. Something about how his throat was scratchy with disuse, or say that "the laugh sounded strange to Wenton's ears, probably because he didn't hear it often." or something. It's just a personal preference thing, but that spot stood out to me as an opportunity for more vivid imagery.

"This wasn’t earth, he knew that for a fact. They weren’t a part of this life." This line confused me, because didn't Maria say that they were on earth in the last chapter? I think here Wenton means that there in a different time period on earth, or maybe an alternate dimension? It hasn't really been explained what's going on, so maybe that's why this doesn't make sense yet.

Overall, this is really starting to get interesting. You're hinting at what's going on and where they are with the character's actions and Wenton's thoughts, but you don't say it outright, which is good. I look forward to the next chapter.

So from not reading the last pieces I have come to the conclusion that Cody is somewhere and he needs to be found. If I have the time, I will go back and skim over.

We didn't really get a ending with the last bit. It was kind of spewed out and left until you add another. I would suggest that you add some depth to characters that aren't the main.

Cody and Maria are in the spotlight, so maybe turn it down a notch and give Wenton some writing time.

Hope I helped!
~S.M.Locke~