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Time of Our Lives - Part 1.1

by HGsomeone


A/N - Here's the first part of the story I've been working on because I am not good at long stories that are over 3 or 5 thousand words and challenges... woohoo.

When I finish though (if I ever do) I'll probably do a lot of editing and rewriting (Is Wenton even a real name? and I just thought up the title now and I already know that its definitely gonna have to go)

Anyway, have fun!

.....................................................................................................

“What are you doing?” asked the boy.

Wenton Giles looked up from where he had been fiddling with the screen of a small device wrapped around his wrist. “Where the hell did you come from?”

He was crouching in a dusty field. The yellow stalks of some kind of grass grazing his legs as the wind floated past at a casual rate. The sun glared down, brightening his surroundings whilst the odd streak of white cloud stretched across the blue sky above. It was not the sort of place you’d expect to suddenly find a little boy, miles away from any of sign of civilisation.

The boy shrugged. “Is it some sort of watch?” he asked again, pointing at the device.

Wenton rose to his full height and glanced around at the surrounding countryside. There was a path that wound its way through the expansive field, but it was fading from disuse, and nature had begun to creep over it and reclaim it as its own. He shoved his hand in his jacket pocket, hiding the device from view. “Don’t you have some sort of… adult?”

“You’re an adult.”

Wenton tried not to glare at the boy. “Yes, but isn’t their anyone here with you? You know, like a parent or something?”

The boy turned his head on his side as he thought for a moment. “There’s my grandma.”

“And, where is she?”

“Oh, she told me to go play outside,” said the boy with a pout. “She busted open the door, pointed in a random direction and said,” He scrunched up his face and put on a shrill voice that cracked and warbled, and upon hearing, several birds nesting in a close by took off in fright. “‘Now Cody, it’s time for you to go outside for a little adventure. Just walk that way until you meet some nice fellow who can bring you back home again. Good luck.’ And then she locked the door behind me.”

Wenton frowned and stared down at the boy. “Your grandma’s in a home, is she.”

The boy seemed confused by this. “Well, my home is her home, so yes?”

“Sounds like a great place,” said Wenton dryly.

Deciding that the boy would probably be no better off out here than with his lunatic grandmother, Wenton turned and strode away through the field. He pulled his hand out from his pocket and began inspecting the device around his wrist again. Upon the screen, illuminated numbers were ticking down.

...4:12:38…

…4:12:37…

…4:12:36…

And so on. Always ticking, but to what?

“I love my grandma,” the annoying voice cracked apart his concentration. The boy clearly had not understood what he had meant when he’d turned and tried to walk away, taking it instead as a sign that more pointless chatter was required. “She’s a bit weird at times, but very funny. I always like the stories that she comes and tells me when the shadow monster comes out from under my bed at night.”

Wenton didn’t say anything in response. Maybe that was the trick to making him go away?

“Do you like your watch thingy or is it just fun to watch?” the boy continued before giggling to Wenton’s dismay, “Do you like to watch your watch?”

Wenton shoved his hand in his pocket again. there was no point in trying to concentrate anymore when he had a walking, talking, annoying fly shouting at him.

The boy wandered lazily along beside him, trying to mimic his hunched over stalk through the grass, fists stuffed in pockets and all. “My name’s Cody, and I know how to spell it too. It’s C-O-D… uh, E?”

Wenton slid an eye over to him while Cody frowned and tried to sort the letters out in his head.

In the end he shrugged and returned to his annoying smile that twisted his face while his jaw continued to flap up and down. “I’m still better at spelling than Philip Taylor or Josh Brint at school, and I’m better at running than them too. Would you like to see?”

Wenton shook his head. “No.”

“Oh,” said Cody, his face for once falling. “well, I guess if I started to run, then you’d have to run, and maybe you’re just not very good at running.”

“Sure.”

“Can you spell your name, what is it?” Cody asked, “I bet I could spell it. Did I tell you I was a good speller?”

“Wenton.” said Wenton.

Cody didn’t speak again before saying, “You have a cool name Mr. Wenton.”

“Thanks.” His voice tasted like a rotten lemon.

“Can I look at your watch thingy?”

Wenton stopped and turned to the boy, letting the glare that had been building up attack the boy at full force. “Listen, kid. How would you like to strike a deal?”

Cody looked up at him innocently, “a deal?”

“Yes,” said Wenton. Inside his jacket pockets, his fists clenched and unclenched; pushing against the fabric. “I do something for you and then you have to do something for me, simple enough.”

“Oh, ok.” Cody agreed. “Just don’t make me eat a bug or anything, because this one-time, Philip Tayl-”

“Kid.”

Cody stared up at him with his lips pressed tightly closed, puffing out his cheeks.

Wenton closed his eyes. Inhale. Exhale. “I’ll let you look at my ‘watch’, and in return, you leave me alone. Sound good?”

Cody nodded rapidly, his face beginning to turn red.

Wenton grimaced and extended out his wrist with the device on it for the child’s inspection. Opening his mouth with a short gasp, Cody grabbed at his hand and began to poke at the small device’s screen with interest; all the while giving Wenton a running commentary of his latest findings.

“Why are the numbers moving?” Tap. Tap. “Is this the time or are you measuring something? What are you measuring?”

Perhaps this had been a mistake, thought Wenton. Cody was clinging so closely to his wrist now that there was no chance of moving his arm away without causing some sort of harm to the boy, intentional or otherwise.

“Can it do anything else?”

“Kid, uh.”

“it’s doing something now, is it supposed to do that?”

Scraggled hair the shade of wood left to fade in the sun, obscured Wenton’s view. His body was jerked away whilst Cody’s grasp prevented his arm from jerking with it. “Let go. Let go of me now.”

“What does, ‘Temporal gravitation coordinates transfiguring’ mean?” Cody looked up, allowing Wenton a clear view of the familiar flashing message.

Wenton’s eyes widened. Oh no, that wasn’t good. His already failing plan smashed to the ground like a no longer ‘grand’ piano.

“Kid, really, you have to let go,” He grabbed the boy’s hand and tried to pry his fingers away, but time was running out. Or, in more literal terms, it was spinning out of his control.

'Transfiguring complete.' The device flashed.

They fell backwards to the sky, and the ground rose up to follow them. Enveloping the two in a cluster of screaming light. Twist. Turn. Tumble.

Reality splayed out in its new form. The form of a door opening, swinging in a precise arc through the air to connect with Wenton’s nose.

...........................................................................................

Note: How Time Flies - Part 2 is the part 2 to this just in case there was any confusion. I'm trying to find a better name so I was just experimenting.


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21 Reviews


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Sun Apr 26, 2020 3:36 pm
MoonIris wrote a review...



Hi. So I started reading it from the middle so I continued with the beginning. I liked it as much as I did with the other parts. I did enjoy the way it started. You don't know much and then well "Reality splayed out in its new form". But maybe a little precision on how does the characters look could be a great idea to add. But, because of Cody's questions it made me want to know more about Wenton. And I don't if it's a real name but I like it as it is. And I can relate to not being able to write such a long story :). I enjoy it but a little more precision is welcome.




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Fri Apr 03, 2020 10:05 pm
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IamI wrote a review...



Hello. This is my review.

Get the balloons folks! After this review I should have my second star! So then, let’s get started.

First, the bad:

My biggest complaints are that we really don’t know anything about Wenton, who is he? Why is he where he is? My second criticism is that we really don’t get much plot. I’m pretty sure these criticisms will be mollified by the second part, but since I’m reviewing this as its own entity, my criticisms still stand.

Now, some descriptions:

“...like a no longer ‘grand’ piano.”, maybe change it to something like ‘...like a grand piano dropped from ten stories.’

“...which, upon hearing, several birds nesting in a close by took off in fright”, first, there is the ‘in a close by’, this is just a grammar error, just remove the ‘in a’ from it. Other that that this is pretty wordy, I would suggest something like ‘... startled birds out of their nests.”

“The voice cracked apart his concentration.”, I don’t like the word choice here, maybe something like ‘the voice broke his concentration”.

“Voice tastes like a rotten lemon”, I really don’t know what this is saying, so I can’t correct it.


That’s the bad, now the good:

This was a good beginning, while unanswered questions are not good for a short story, they are important to the impact and intrigue of a first chapter. And while I pointed out several odd descriptions, I only mention those because they need to be fixed, and, while I may just be imagining this, I think I’m finding fewer; in any case you’re getting better. I also must complement your portrayal of a young kid, I have a younger brother and I can say that your portrayal is quite accurate. I look forward to to reading the next part. Keep up the good work!

This was my review. Goodbye.




HGsomeone says...


Hey hey, and thanks for the review and the compliment!
Though I hope to finish this story, I must admit that I have only plotted around 2/3 and written almost 1/5 (only an estimate though) so we'll see what happens.
Again thanks, and have a nice day :D



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Tue Mar 31, 2020 12:20 am
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Lethargic says...



Wow, good job!

The first thing I see as that you did a really good job portraying Wenton as annoyed with Cody right off the bat. I think the best part is seeing how the two play off of each other, which is a great strength to have. You do a great job of describing the world around them, as well. The only major gripe I have with this chapter is that I feel like it’s a little too short. Maybe experiment with adding some more of Wenton’s thoughts or adding some more dialogue. All in all, this story really reminds me of mid-century science fiction. I can’t wait to see where you take this story!




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17 Reviews


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Tue Mar 31, 2020 12:20 am
Lethargic wrote a review...



Wow, good job!

The first thing I see as that you did a really good job portraying Wenton as annoyed with Cody right off the bat. I think the best part is seeing how the two play off of each other, which is a great strength to have. You do a great job of describing the world around them, as well. The only major gripe I have with this chapter is that I feel like it’s a little too short. Maybe experiment with adding some more of Wenton’s thoughts or adding some more dialogue. All in all, this story really reminds me of mid-century science fiction. I can’t wait to see where you take this story!




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Mon Mar 30, 2020 6:05 pm
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dahlia58 says...



Wenton sounds like a real name to me. Obviously, Wenton thinks Cody is annoying, but I think the boy's really cute. This first chapter was definitely interesting. It caught my attention from start to finish, and the relatively short length made it easier for me to read. The only thing I suggest is that you may want to add more to the ending. Perhaps you could end the chapter with more of Wenton's inner thoughts? His nose is about to metamorphose after all.




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Mon Mar 30, 2020 6:05 pm
dahlia58 wrote a review...



A glitch made my review get posted twice.




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Mon Mar 30, 2020 4:51 am
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koinoyokan wrote a review...



Ok so as this is just the beginning and you haven't given a plot summary yet, I can't say much about what has happened so far. You do a good job at creating an interesting scenario I always love a good case of forced parenting. There are a few minor grammar and spelling mistakes not that I'm one to talk, just put your stuff through grammarly so people don't get huge up on those little annoying details.

The kid confuses me at points you give me no real physical description of either of the characters so I have a hard time visualizing the scene but this is mostly harming the boy as I don't know how old he is, he can't spell his own name correctly but is able to easily read and say "Temporal gravitation coordinates transfiguring" which as an adult I don't think I can say that on the first try, but that most likely just me.

For Wenton, I think the name could work depending upon the idea you have for his character. If he is not from this world/dimension having an unusual name fits and helps differentiate him for other characters. He needs motivation for what's happening at this point. He questions why his clock is counting down but also seems to understand what is happening when it started to go nuts. But these questions can all be left until later.

This means that you have done a good job creating an engaging introduction. Leaving the reader with a lot of questions at the start is what helps push us to the next character so overall good job.





Some people file their [tax] returns inside of a dead fish.
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