Hello HGsomeone! I'm here for the requested review, sorry for the wait
Since you mentioned you're interested in getting this published, I'll go over some nitpicky things as well as more general comments, since nitpicks are what help make a work really polished!
Lex liked to feel his instruments weight in his hands, it grounded him.
"instruments" should be "intrument's", with an apostrophe, since it's possessive.
It’s decoration having been only a fleeting fancy for its owner.
In this sentence, "it's" should just be "its", since it isn't a contraction of "it + is". Also, this currently isn't technically a real sentence. To make it into a sentence, you could reword it along the lines of
"Its decoration had only been a fleeting fancy for its owner."
Not even the din of the raging concert outside; the biggest party in history.
I could be wrong about this, so don't take my word for it - but I'm pretty sure that semicolon should be a colon or a comma. Semicolons generally join two sentences together, and that's not what it's doing here.
Nothing could be done about the seething ball of flame burgeoning in the sky above them, soon its flame-licked fingers, which had once caressed the planet so gently, would engulf them.
Here is a place where you could use a semicolon. Right now, it's a run-on sentence, but if you exchange the comma after "them" for a semicolon then everything's tickety-boo.
That aside, I really love the description in this sentence. It's really vivid!
But that was the way, wasn’t it, Lex watched the lines fade from his palm, everything had to have an endpoint.
To make this sentence easier to read, I would alter it slightly, just like so:
But that was the way, wasn’t it, Lex reflected as he watched the lines fade from his palm; everything had to have an endpoint.
It doesn't have to be exactly like that but adding something along the lines of "he reflected" or "he thought" or "he mused" would make the sentence smoother.
Bonnie B shrugged, “Probably out partying with the rest of them. You know she’s never been able to resist a drink.”
The comma after shrugged should be a period.
Vince leapt to his feet as the door closed once again, “That’s it! I’ll drag her here if I have to. This time she’s gone too far.”
Again, a period instead of a comma.
Lex grumbled his agreement, rising from his seat he stepped over the fallen sign, out into the hallway after his bandmates.
Technically you need "and" before "rising", to make this into a sentence.
He knew they couldn’t go on without Sammy, they never had before.
This comma should be a semicolon.
“Can you see her?” said Bonnie B, straining her eyes. Her sight had dulled with age, but she had refused to wear her glasses.
I would probably use something more like "asked" here, since she does seem to be asking a question. Also, I really like how you subtly incorporate descriptions of how the characters look, for example how she doesn't wear glasses. It feels very natural and part of the story, not like it was purposefully added on for the reader's benefit!
On the back, written in a shining, daggy font designed to draw attention, was the name of the band; Supernova.
Very minor - this semicolon should just be a colon.
“Guys!” she cried. Stretching the word out until it became a meaningless drawl.
You could probably just make this into one sentence:
“Guys!” she cried, stretching the word out until it became a meaningless drawl.
Lex looked at his band through the mess of bodies; in clothes from a bygone era of glory, they looked washed out, Sammy hanging limp and deflated, weighing down Vince and Bonnie B as they struggle to keep her head up.
Here you need "and" before "Sammy".
Lex ran his fingers down his guitar’s strings and began to play. He didn’t sing ‘Man’s Salute’ as they had planned;
I think it'd probably be neater if the semicolon was a period.
Alright, with those out of the way I'll go over some more general suggestions/comments.
I think your characters are really strong. They all have distinct personalities, and they all feel very flawed and human and believable. They're also quite well developed for such a short piece of writing! The dialogue between them, too, feels very natural - informal, almost like they've known each other for 40 something years
The concept of this short story is really interesting and unique! It could make a cool longer piece of writing, but it also stands alone well. It feels really well thought out, and I like where you've ended it. I'm not sure that there's a discernible message or moral to it, but then, who says there has to be?
One thing you could consider thinking about is the structure of the plot. Is there an introduction, a climax, and a resolution? Every story is a bit different and obviously some stories don't really have a resolution, but it's still a helpful guide. I would say this is a story that doesn't necessarily have/need a resolution, but I would like to see more of a climax. What's the issue at hand for the characters? Obviously the sun is going to crash into the Earth, so that's something, but that's present throughout and it isn't really affecting the characters as we see them. You don't even necessarily need to change much about the plot, but you could just add more suspense and build-up.
Another thing I wanted to quickly mention is your vocabulary. It's awesome! I love what a broad range of words you use, it makes the writing more engaging
That's it for my review, I hope you find it helpful! Good luck publishing this, and if you have any questions about the review feel free to ask!
Keep writing!
whatchamacallit
Points: 22098
Reviews: 455
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