Young Writers Society

I'm too sleep-deprived for compliments, but this was a good read.

"'Wow, now that this poetic,' said Jeff..." Did you mean, now that is poetic, or now this is poetic? It doesn't make sense the way it is.

"The wall of windows that allowed the morning sun to shine in from the east, had for the moment been drawn close with heavy curtains that would have left the room in darkness if it weren’t for the lights." I was confused; shouldn't you mention the curtains before them being drawn closed, like: "the heavy curtains adorning the windows had been drawn closed", or something like: "...had for the moment been hidden from view by heavy curtains that Jeff had drawn closed to block the light"? I don't want to tell you how to write your story; I just would like it to flow better.

"Aliens now after every scientist, conspiracy theorist and science fiction fanatic had gone." Not going to touch on the much-debated final list comma, but consider, "Aliens now, after every scientist..."

I enjoyed this; keep writing. Don't take any of this to heart; they are merely suggestions.

I had fun reading this! And I'm picky about what I read for entertainment, so if I say a story's fun and interesting, it usually is. The only mistakes I noticed were "that this poetic," and the unneeded comma between "database" and "does". I enjoyed how it seems like the aliens will be the ones receiving hope of life on other planets, when it's usually humans who get this role in sci-fi stories. Jeff's personality is pretty good for someone who's the last human on earth. Pixa also feels human, despite being an AI.

Your other story with Thomas and this one both have a special, surreal feel, which is great. Please keep writing^^

Writing about characters writing? Yes please.

But seriously, this was a good story and I like the way you introduced the fact that the narrator has never ventured out into what's left of the world. In my opinion, the dialogue is one of the strongest aspects of this story; I am obsessed with watching how characters develop and interact with each other because I feel like readers get such a strong sense of a writer's abilities just through how characters speak to one another.

I also like that you used strong imagery to really paint a picture of this sort of outlandish situation -- "growl of thunder" and "plump, fluffy marshmallows" are a couple of my favorite. I could just be a sucker for descriptive writing, though..

Readability is great with this story; I didn't find any issues with grammar or spelling, so I have no comments here. Good job in making it flow so wonderfully.

As someone who isn't too heavily invested in the world of sci-fi literature, I apologize if my review isn't as helpful as I'd imagined it to be; the best thing I can say is that, as someone who tends to lean towards contemporary fiction, you did a great job in keeping me interested all throughout. I would actually argue that this laid a solid foundation for a longer project; you should consider lengthening the story into potentially different chapters or maybe a novel, if you have enough inspiration.. just me being literary-greedy..

Great job and write on!!

Hello! I have a feeling I'm going to be enjoying your works a fair bit; it's essentially my favourite genre after all. Of course, that may make me kind of critical, so bear with me if I'm a bit harsh

Firstly, the concept of your story is very grand. I find that this is often a good thing in this genre, but it's also a bit of a double-edged sword. The grandeur really needs to be supported by a good narrative, and I fear you don't quite have that in this piece. These sort of "use only one scene and let the reader build the universe around it" stories are hard to get right. It's not necessarily your storytelling that may be the problem, but the story itself -- you haven't given us enough to instill a solid sense of direction for the reader to drive their imagination through, and that makes the story a bit lackluster, if you understand what I'm getting at. You may have heard people say that narration is a tired method, but I'd love to see some more narration in play here! I'm talking about things like "Their only reward would be hope, and the knowledge that they weren’t the only ones."; using this narrative style, especially earlier on, would really add to the feel of the devastated Earth you've created, and Jeff's isolated life. A really easy way to do this would be to have Pixa (great name!) write more of that story for Jeff, because her narration could really fill in the sense of empty space here.

Regarding your methods of writing, they're actually pretty good! You have a decent voice for this type of genre, and your vocabulary is good enough that my mind remained interested in what it read. Your use of actions in particular are really well-done. One thing you might want to watch out for however, is rushing. The sudden shift to when the message comes in is... well, too sudden. In fact, everything beyond that point seems a little fast and I don't think it would hurt to stretch it out; give us something to gnaw on for a while. Conciseness in a short story is good, but writers often tend to overdo it. Places to focus on and expand the latter part of your story could be: Jeff's actual inner conflict on what to do about the message (could easily be a place to bring out more of Jeff's personality, which is pretty lacking for now); a possible backstory as to what happened on Earth, or why Jeff can't go outside; **the poetic contrast in Jeff's desire to find more humans, finding out that he's not actually alone in the universe, and the harsh truth that he will still remain alone on the planet regardless of the alien contact**; or any number of things, really. Point is, this is the most dramatic part of the story, so let's savour it instead of running past

** I actually would really like this particular tidbit to be fleshed out, it could turn your story something extraordinary! **

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Other than those tips, I really like your writing, and I'm going to go look through your profile to read more

Greetings @H.G. I am AmoonAbrax, and I'm here to review your lovely piece of work.

The first thing I notice is the lack of description. I understand that long passages of prose are needless, however there is such a thing as too little description.
The secant error I found lies within this passage-

'applauding his television screen where a bubble of blue glowing light seemed to shy away, bashfully. He picked up his pen and began to write out the small paragraph of description. “An excellent opening line, you’ve really outdone yourself, Pixa.”

“Why thank you, dear,” said Pixa. '_
There is really nothing to connect the ''bubble of glowing light'' to Pixa. In fact, it is not until a few sentences after those words, that we realize that bubble of glowing light is Pixa. That is a problem. Readers should instantly know which character is described, the secant they are being described, if that makes sense.
Pixa seems to use the word dear a lot. This is may be a normal part of her speech, but it does get annoying, hearing the word dear used every other sentence.
Finally I feel like you could have described the thunder and lightning in a much better way. After all ''growl of thunder'' and ''flash of lightning'' are both cliched.
Before I leave you I have some questions for you to consider-
.What exactly is Pixa to Jeff?
.What happend to earth?
.What is the year in that time?
.What is the message your trying to convey. (I sensed many, but I couldn't find a clear one. Which means this needs more thought put into it.)
-AmoonAbrax

Hello H.G,
Stellarjay here for a review!

1) At the beginning of the story it would be helpful if you introduced Pixa as the television screen. It was a bit confusing how Jeff was talking to a television without any context.

2) After mentioning that Jeff was the only human alive, you later mentioned that all the sciencey people were killed by the aliens. But that made me confused on whether last one standing was true or not. You could word it differently so as to avoid confusion.

3) Another detail in the story didn't add up. If Jeff had not gone outside in a long time, how did he make or maintenance his appliances? Just something for you to ponder.

4) That leads to another thing, how old is Jeff? What's he like? Why is he the only human believed to be alive? Answering these questions in your story will help the reader get a better idea of his situation.

So overall, the basis of your story was great! The only thing is to check that all the details (even the small ones) add up in the end. Make sure that they are consistent.

I hope that all of these tips are helpful!
-Stellarjay