Young Writers Society

Maybe on the first stanza, you could put "Frustrated, drenched in sweat" to make it flow a bit better.

Also, maybe I'm just not very good at grammar and poetry, but I were the words "Game Over" in the last line supposed to be capitalized?

Anyways, great poem! It was very funny and the rhymes flowed. Keep writing!

I AM IN NO WAY A PROFESSIONAL IN THE FIELD OF POETRY SO FEEL FREE TO DISREGARD ALL I SAY.

I loved your poem expetialy since its a change of cenery from all the deep emotional styles of most poems i read. I like the order you kept throout but I do wonder if a free verse might have been a better fit for the idea of the poem ...you know happy abandone... but anyway it was a nice change of cenery and I hope to read more of you.

Ohhh and I had a very similar experiance btw.

Again I am in no way a proffetional ...actually Im more of a mindless zombie enslaved by the voices in my head... but what you can take away from my review is that your poem was good and I hope you continue the art.

Hia there Gummy! RagingLive here to review your poem!! This will probably very short and sweet since I didn't find much wrong with your piece.

Frustrated and drenched in sweat.

But this isn't time to study,

Hey there, Gummy! IronSpark here for a review of your poem. Just a warning: I'll be talking in terms of traditional grammar because there's no reason to use unconventional grammar. Still, if you /did/ use unconventional grammar for a reason, just reply to this and I'll make the necessary changes!

First of all, clarity. I just quickly wrote out a version of the poem with more conventional grammar. Here it is, if you're interested:

I can see myself tomorrow,
frustrated and drenched in sweat,
"if only I had studied"
would be my only regret.

As a wise professor stated,
"There's a time and place for all."
But this isn't time to study,
Let's ride bikes inside the mall!

There are many, many areas
That I'd much rather explore,
But was it really worth the wait
To clear that Course 3-4?

It's dangerous to go alone,
So sharpened pencils help,
But when the test is 'fore me,
It's Game Over for myself!

Hey, Gummy! I'm here to leave a review!

Well, first of all, kudos for making a rhyming poem. I like that kind, it always gives us fun to read it. The last stanza, however, doesn't rhyme, so it looks awkward and out of a sudden. Maybe change the second line to: "So sharpened pencils are what I have left" to make it rhyme. You don't need to state they are the help, since the reader can interpret that they're the help.

Also, about the third stanza, I prefer you change the numbers to words, since they're distracting. Now, for the reading; "That I'd much rather explore, / but was it really worth the wait, / To clear that Course 3-4"? The first and third line have mismatched syllables where the first has seven while the third has six. I think changing "Course Three-Four" to "Course Three and Four" would fix that.

However, I think this is an nice read! It's funny how the persona changes her mind so quickly from regret of not studying to riding bikes inside the mall. This is an instance where you don't opt to be funny but has the general meaning of it being funny. I like that - it doesn't make you seem to hard at being humorous.

Anyway, that's all from me! I think this is a nice rhyming poem with a touch of humour. Keep up the good job!

Hi, Gummy! Storygirl95 dropping by for a review!
Hahahahahahaha. I love you so much right now. Because your high school experience is my high school experience. I spent so much time regretting the lack of studying because I was too busy trying to catch Palkia or Dialga.
The professor always makes me so mad when he tells me when I can or cannot ride my bike. I WANT TO RIDE MY BIKE ON A MUDSLIDE, PROFESSOR. DON'T TELL ME WHAT TOO DO.
I've probably spent a total of three full days waiting around for breeding too.
Don't think I don't notice that Zelda reference either.
You're the best! I hope you do better with your future endeavors in your past, but I will always understand choosing virtual reality over actual reality.
I don't have anything to say that I could use as an actual critique, so good job!
Have a wonderful evening, and keep writing!