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Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Log 201: A letter from Adam

by GrinningMan


Log 6-201, Letter from Jade Moon Base Command

Date, [Gre.] September 05, 4743

You know, I’m surprised we got this far. Oh! Right, I’m supposed to do this “formally.” This is Adam from Jade Moon Base, acting Commander and presiding Chief of Execution. Designation yaddah yaddah, you higher ups already have forty thousand of these logs…

As I was going to continue, we’re still fighting. Hotspot 3 was a spectacular failure; we lost too many good people. Why do you want to set up in a Tundra anyways? There’s nothing there but snow and ice! I’m starting to fear your tactical prowess is diminishing.

And so what? You’ll demote me at the worst, it’s about time someone called you out. I know we aren’t supposed to be emotionally attached to equipment… but we made them too human-like. They feel pain too, they make friends only to see them die at the expense of protecting humanity’s sake. Enigma might not be worth all this.

S-62 was my favorite. WAS. She embraced emotions instead of trying to brush it off like the others. But now what, she’s dead. No, she isn’t deactivated, or offline, or anything else. Dead.

Sometimes I want to put in an application to do that Overgaurd program. The risk is a lot, but if that means I can actually go down and help protect our “equipment” then so be it. If you ever respond to this, good luck, I may have already applied for the experimental phase. And as for you Jona, you’re the worst of those people on their high horses!

-Adam

[Response from Command 6 - Jade Division]

Dear Adam,

As much as we appreciate the concern, Enigma is too valuable to humanity to give up so easily. Of course, we do realize others get emotionally attached to our equipment, as many are prone to do from isolation. However, your application into the experimental phase of the Overgaurd is appreciated, and will be accepted immediately. You will no longer have any acting duties as Commander or Chief of Execution.

Best wishes,

-Jonathan Maxwell

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Sun Apr 02, 2017 6:29 am
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Mea wrote a review...



Hey there! I thought this looked interesting, so I figured I'd go ahead and quickly review it today.

What drew me into this was the character and the way you immediately landed us in his world - you did a great job of establishing right off the bat that Adam isn't a normal officer here, that he's currently conflicted about what's been going on. You also did a great job at using the names of things in that universe without explaining them, but still making it so the reader can easily understand what's going on. I was able to infer very quickly the setting and central conflict of a military outpost on this planet, and ethical concerns of using sentient robots/clones (I assume that's what S-62 is) to fight with.

However, Adam's voice also just felt off. It felt very flippant, without any of the gravitas that his actual words are conveying. He's lax in the introduction and as a whole, the tone feels very teasing, at least until he talks about S-62, where it feels a little more serious.

I realize that may have been intentional - maybe flippancy is Adam's way of coping with what's been going on. But I feel like that sort of flippancy wouldn't come through in a letter to his commanding officers. I would have thought he would be trying to hide it. As a whole, it diminished the severity of the letter, and just didn't quite work as a character introduction for me.

I’m starting to fear your tactical prowess is diminishing.

I think it was this sentence that really made it feel like he was teasing them.

What most interests me after reading these letters is finding out what the Overguard program is and why they need volunteers. I'm guessing that would be the main project you mentioned in your reply to the previous review. :P

I think that's all I've got for you! Sorry for the shorter review, but good luck, and keep writing!




GrinningMan says...


Thanks for the review. So far I'm just trying to get a hold of the main idea; hopefully so it's more coherent and a little more fresh once I start actually writing it. It's just not as fleshed out as my other ideas.



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Wed Mar 29, 2017 11:50 pm
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SugarApple wrote a review...



Nice! I really want to see what happens next! Here's what was a little confusing though, you used quite a few unfamiliar terms. I suppose you can't 'explain' really, in a letter that someone who knows everything already writes, but I would reccomend putting in some hints subtly if possible. Like S-62's death, did she die of conditions on the moon, or did someone kill her? It would be really beautiful as a prologue though, for a story, and you can explain the terms in the rest of the story. Try to use more descriptive words, to express maybe the pain Adam feels, the loss of the "equipment".
Overall, nice (science fiction?) letters!




GrinningMan says...


Sorry for getting a reply to you late, but I do appreciate the kind words. This whole thing is stemming from an obsession of mine that I've been enjoying lately. I just have to get a hold of writing in first person before I start the main project. For now, I'm trying to drop subtle hints about what's going to be involved in the main project. Without spoiling the mystery of everything, that is. Thanks again.




A thing of beauty is a joy forever; its loveliness increases...
— John Keats