Published December 15, 2010
My mask is slipping,
The cracks are showing.
This screen that I made,
Is starting to fall down
I’ve covered my feelings,
For so many years
I’ve bottled them up,
And written them away
You can see my pain,
Scrawled across my arms
Written in blood and scars
At night I look to the sky,
Trying to find some light
But the stars and moons
Mean nothing to me
They don’t lighten my endless night
They can’t penetrate my darkness
How much longer before I fall?
How much longer before I break?
How much longer can I take?
The questions surround me
The answers hide behind lies
And false hope and sentiments
Am I ok?
Of course I’m fucking not
Look behind the picture
Find the person underneath
She’s a fucking mess
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140,113 Literary Works • 673,017 Reviews
This is very good. Some great imagery and feeling throughout, it's all excellent but I think my favourite stanza is the final one, it wraps up the poem; giving a definitive conclusion while maintaining the message of the poem.
The only advice I have is to use more puncuation in your poem, it is a really useful tool to get things across to the reader.
Please keep writing!
This is my favorite stanza. Not sure why, probably the subtle irony. I have felt this way for many years...all alone and helpless, writing poems was never an outlet though. Always a necessity to keep me from exploding. One thing I would recommend is removing "fucking"; it takes away from the beauty and the sadness and frustration of the poem. Great job though, I hope you find your light in the darkness. It does exist through the blood and pain, though it seems impossible. Keep writing, you have talent.
I have to say that for the longest time of my teenage life, this is how I felt. Exactly. and when it felt too much, I would sit and scribble on paper how it felt until I blew away all the steam inside, but it always came back. This poem is so surreal and full of emotion and that is what makes it beautiful. The best poems come from those bullheaded feelings and I hope to read more!
this is sooo good i love how the lines flow, how you've added retorical questions into your poem it really good keep writting!