The unknown

You can think you know
but you don't
Things you know are false
you can't know unless
you experience
Unless you experience
You may not know

Comments & reviews · 9
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User avatar
Flit
Review
Flit wrote a review · Tue Nov 03, 2009 9:43 pm

You can think you know
but you don't
Things you know are false
you can't know unless
you experience
Unless you experience
You may not know


Right, so your point is that you need to experience something to truly know about it, but all you've really done is tell me that in three different ways, one of those ways merely being a reversal of the other. Give me examples, make it more personal, use the imagery and metaphors which make up poems. This is kind of just explaining your point to three year olds. They didn't get it the first time, so you rephrased it twice so it sunk in. xx

I LOVE IT! I WANNA MAKE OUT WITH IT! Told you people would like it ;)

Love,
Nutty

User avatar
FLyerS
Review
FLyerS wrote a review · Tue Oct 20, 2009 5:03 pm

This poem is redundant. :smt102 I'm sorry, but you need to do something else besides restating what you already said in reverse order.
"The sky is blue
Blue is the sky." is not a good poem. I feel like that's what you did here.

User avatar
AquaMarine
Review

Hey there!

Ok, so first off this is a short poem. That doesn't necessarily make it bad, it just means that sometimes it can feel a little unfinished.

You need a little punctuation in there as well! More the most part I'd expect you just need some full stops and commas, but I'm sure you could jazz it up a little.

To be honest, the whole thing feels a little repetitive to me at the moment. I understand that it is a thought that you had to put down, but I do feel that you should improve on it slightly. Perhaps you could add a couple more stanzas, expanding on the situation and the feelings.

Hope this helped a little!
~Amy

User avatar
fhwdf
Review
fhwdf wrote a review · Tue Oct 20, 2009 3:29 pm

Interesting... I definitely liked it. There's not very much to say, because I can't think of anything you could improve on, and I don't think you should lengthen it because it works fine as it is. Maybe you should try writing some other longer poems - I think this would work particularly well next to other poems - you have a really unique style and it would be nice to see more of it.

User avatar
cnvalambrosia
Comment

this interests me. I wish you had added more.. However it leaves one to think up their own conclusions. Was this just a quick thought that you had to get down?



Remember: the plot is nothing more than footprints left in the snow after your characters have run by on their way to incredible destinations.
— Ray Bradbury