Published April 26, 2009
Okay this is one of the first poems I've ever written:
Waiting all day, all week to see your face.
To look into your brown eyes that hide their true feelings from me.
Eyes that shield their emotions and constantly keeps me waiting.
Waiting for words of love and care to escape from your lips.
Lips that form a smile that takes my breath away.
A smile that leads me on and only deepens my feelings for you.
A smile that warms my body and replaces the coldness of your silence.
Silence that keeps you on my mind.
The silence that won't allow me to let you go.
That silence that traps me and keeps me waiting.
Waiting for you to care.
Waiting for you to hold me.
Waiting for you to love me.
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Sorry I don't have anything to critique on this. I really liked it though. Personally I would cut eaither a"all day" or "all week" from the first line. It just seems a little too much to me. But that's just a personal preferance, and does not NEED to be changed.
I love the emotiong coming from this.
Great job!
Wow. Usually, I don't care too much for poetry but I happened to stumble accross this and I loved it. Most poems that I've read haven't been powerful enough to make me feel anything but yours did. Maybe it's because it's about a situation that I've been in, like most people. Or maybe I'm just overly emotional today. Either way, I really liked this.