After the party, I quickly changed out of my ball gown and into a simple pair of black jeans and a black t-shirt. I had been eager for it to be over as soon as it started. I’m grateful for the alliance, and I am not at all adverse to mingling with humans. I just happen to be more fond of parties where there is loud music and gyrating bodies. This had not been that kind of party at all. I exited the main mansion through the kitchen door and embarked on a walk around the land. Both vampires and humans inclined their heads to me, murmuring greeting as I passed. I greeted them with a nod in return. The humans that stayed on our land were either paying for their residence, working for it, or staying as a special guest to a vampire.
The night air was cool and breezy. The moon was full and the sky was scattered with countless stars. I had only been walking for an hour when Cortez found me. He appeared at my side and instantly fell into step with my pace. Vampires have an extra sense of feeling intangible things in the air like the moods of others and ensuing danger. So when I knew I feel the wistfulness radiating from Cortez I steal a glance up at him and find exactly what I expect to find on his face. Cortez’s wife a wonderful woman named Athena had been killed two centuries when a pack of wolves attacked her and Cortez. He is still haunted by her death to this day and, I fear, always will be. He feels guilty for not protecting her better, for not paying attention enough to sense a danger they could have avoided, and for surviving when she did not. The grief was a permanent fixture in his eyes but only when he was thinking about her did it show on his face.
“I wish could help you, Cortez. I wish that I could offer you words of comfort or to at least be able to say that I understand,” I say in tone barely above a whisper but I know that he hears me just fine.
“You don’t wish that, Celia. I don’t want you to wish that. I’m glad that you don’t understand and I hope you never do,” he replied solemnly matching my tone.
“I hate to see you in this pain and know there is nothing to be done about it,” I replied looking up to meet eyes. He shrugged and moved on to another subject. We walked and talked about the events of the party skipping over anything having to do with Danielle. I figured I had whined enough for the night and Cortez never brings her up unless I do first. We eventually turned and raced back to the house. It took all over three seconds and result in another win for me. I gloated only momentarily before skipping off to go find Josiah. I caught his scent in the hall way and followed it to the now empty ballroom. I found him sitting on the steps of the dais, his expression pensive. I leaned against the doorway and smirked at him.
“A penny for your thoughts,” I said. He smiled and looked over at me.
“I think my thoughts are worth a lot more than that,” he joked.
“And I’m sure you’re the only one that thinks that,” I shot back.
Josiah stood, strolled to the center of the room, and beckoned me over. I complied immediately and he looped one arm around my waist and grabbed my hand, leading me in a waltz.
“I didn’t get to dance with you all night,” he said, kissing my forehead.
“We were both preoccupied,” I said which really wasn’t the truth. Only one of us had been preoccupied and it hadn’t been me. I caught only a flash of his wistfulness at my words before it was washed out by another feeling that caused as both to halt in our dance: danger.
I turned as the sound of vampires both growling and running down the hall filled the room. Further away I heard a different growling coming. The evidence was apparent but I was still incredulous. The wolves never came here, never. Josiah was at the ballroom door at the speed of light. Before I could complete a step to follow him he was back in front of me. “Celia you must stay inside. Go up to the bedroom and stay there until I come back for you,” he said. He kissed my lips and was gone. I didn’t even consider his words.
Did he really think I would hide out and let my people fight without me?
*This one might be rough. I kind of rushed through the proofreading.
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Canary word: Present
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Uh oh. I'm in a nit-picky mood. I apologise in advance.
Comma before the "but" to break up your looong sentence.
Another comma
It sounds like she's taking the mick out of them here. I dunno... "I acknowledged this with a nod of my own" meh, whatever.
What do people have against wolves!!??! Jesus, I'm sorry, but you're the second person who's written about an unprovoked wolf attack. Wolves are really shy creatures. Unless you were threatening their young or stealing their food I'm not sure what would make them attack.
I think you're missing the "he" in this sentence. ...I know that he hears me just fine.
Oooh, good. ^^
Tense switching! The second sentence is in past tense.
Comma after "hand" ?
Comma after "said"
Maybe start a new paragraph between "danger" and "I turned" as later on in the paragraph you have Josiah speaking.
Plus "danger" would probably stand out more.
I'm not sure at all about this line. it sounds a little too stiff. I know you're trying to portray her age through her language (well done) but his is taking the formality a little too far.
I don't think you need the comma.
I think the ending isn't as catchy as the others you've done before. Sorry if that sounds a bit harsh, but bring the reader on the edge of their seat a little more before ending it. Stat a new paragraph and leave it as a single line. It catches attention WAY more. Doesn't even have to be complex, simple is more shocking anyways as the reader isn't trying to figure it out. Oops. I've rambled a bit here. Sorry.
I really enjoyed it. I like how you've deepened Cortez with that story about his wife. (grr at the wolves lol) I didn't notice any of these nit-picks when I first read through it. But I had my reviewing hat on here
PM me when the next part comes out?
~EmmaJane~